Chocolate and Almond Biscuits

This weekend has been busier in the kitchen than most. Today I baked some almond and chocolate biscuits. I had told D at work that I am going to try my hand at profiteroles but just couldn't get myself out of bed.
A quick chat with A motivated me to after all give up the comfort of my warm and cozy bed :)
My biscuits didn't turn out the perfect shape - but that was because I couldn't resist taking them out from the baking tray before they cooled which caused some rough edges (Even though I know 5 minutes later I could have taken them out without any effort!!). I guess it is the thing with baking - one doesn't get to taste anything before it is out of the oven. And once it is out - Its very very difficult for me to resist.

There is forecast of light snow on Monday. My freshly baked biscuits & hot choc would make for great company!

Sweet & Sour Sticky Rice

Just a random visit to the grocers' led to this impromptu speedy recipe. I like to chop vegetables, and this recipe needed lots of them. So while the rice cooked, I enjoyed slicing away some cabbage, white onions and spring onions. Here are a few pictures.

Sunday Baking!

A special guest came over last Sunday to spend the day with me. We played with trains & aeroplanes. We drew some pictures and read some books. And as we waited for Raaghav's parents we planned a tea party for them :)
To go with the tea I baked some butter milk and raisin scones :) It was not really difficult to get them right.
Appreciation - All finished even before the kettle could go on boil!!

Carrot Puddings

I had started with the idea of making gajar ka halwa for my cousins last weekend. But on Thursday on lunch from work, I bought my first cake tin :)) So I thought it wouldnt be fair on my new cake tin to make another dessert before baking a cake in the new tin. The result:

2 Carrot desserts - one Indian - Gajar ka halwa & one English - Carrot and Banana Cake with orange zest
It didnt take long before portions started disappearing and as 2 of my flat mates said - Yummy!!

Mission ITIL

Finally, after mulling over it for more than a year, I have booked myself for ITIL V3 certification on 3/01/11. Now, I just need to get through several thousand pages of service management theory to get the requisite 65% to clear the exam!!

It is my christmas gift/challenge to myself. If I clear the certification it would be some sort of achievement for me (in quite some time). Also, I find it comforting to have short term goals in sight.
May be I was a bit rash in paying the fee but I guess it was needed to get myself into the action mode. I hope I will remain motivated towards it till the exam.

I will update the blog about my progress. It will be a good way of telling myself what I did and what I didnt.

Any help for study material/sample papers will be much appreciated.

Good luck to me :)

What does family mean to you?

Some of the titles for blogs which I noted down during this trip were - presence of US Army in Kuwait and striking ambience of Asia. But when I saw ‘What does family mean to you’ posted on a forum, I thought it is rather relevant to my trip back home after more than a year.
I have moved out of my family home fairly recently – 3 years to be precise. However, the distance made sure that I have seen them only twice in more than 2 years.
On this trip I realised that for the time that I have been in London I have got used to being on my own. And to the idea that it is sufficient to speak/see my family over the internet. I am not ashamed of the fact that I am not homesick. I have never been the one who cries at airports or longs for reunions.
But meeting my parents, my siblings and other family members I realised that being detached with something/someone is not one way.
Even though living outside the geographical bounds of my family’s home has made me see my life as ‘mine’, they have not separated their lives from mine. Their joys, happiness, strength, emotions, grievances and everything else is still woven around all 5 of us. I share these lines from Shashank’s blog –
"For a wonderful physical tie binds the parents to the children; and - by some sad, strange irony - it does not bind us children to our parents. For if it did, if we could answer their love not with gratitude but with equal love, life would lose much of its pathos and much of its squalor, and we might be wonderfully happy." Where Angels Fear to Tread by E. M. Forster
This trip has brought back to surface the deepest bonds I had let dust in the background. And the fact that family is not about you – even if you are 100 years old or 10000 miles away – it is always about us.

Jammie Dodgers!

Starting the festive seasons with some jammie dodgers. It made me think of the gift boxes of 'assorted' biscuits exchanged on Diwali :)

Bread and Butter pudding

Whenever I see bread and butter pudding made on tv shows, I always crave to have a bite :)
Then this weekend I came around to making my own version - with banana and mixed nuts stuffing!

It is an incredibly easy to do dessert which can be made in a big batch and wow all your dinner party guests ;)
Here is a quick recap - De-crust white bread (thick) and dip in molten butter. Grease the baking dish with remaining butter. Line with bread to cover the base sprinkle some sugar and cover with sliced bananas. Throw in some finely chopped nuts and cover with remaining bread. Sprinkle some more sugar on the top.
Next mix your custard powder with boiling milk and pour over the baking dish until the bread is soaked. Sprinkle with some more sugar and bake for 20-30 min or until top bread is golden and the custard is set.
I used ready made cutard as I am yet to start cooking with eggs.

Praying

There are things that we don't want to happen but have to accept, things we
don't want to know but have to learn, and people we can't live without but have
to let go.
~Anon.

Praying for our dear friend and his family to have the strength to bear the loss.

Pear Tart

This week I got some really good crisp and sweet pears. In English cooking, they are often served as desserts - poached in spicy red wines infused with star anise, cinnamon, lemon juice, and vanilla ideally served with clotted cream or icecream.

But as I dont have access to wines yet, I thought I will go ahead with the second most popular pear dessert - pear tarts. Tarts are not really my favourite when it comes to desserts but cooking something new was motivating enough :) Here are the pictures -


This one turned out best!

I had made 4 ;)


Served with Custard

Blogging!

I am enjoying the joy of blogging once more thanks to friends who keep reintroducing me to my forgotten blog spot. I am not as keen on writing as I am on reading but having a space makes me put down my thoughts - in black and white. Sometimes it helps to clear the head and sometimes it leads to more research and at other times more analysis. Always, it gives me lasting satisfaction to have written something.

Today being the 4th consecutive weekend I have come back to write something makes me feel a little less random towards my blog. I would love to have written exceptional pieces - travelogues, reviews of movies and books or about food & cooking and culture or countries. But for now I am content with writing about myself, my moods and my cooking :)

Argh! turned into a smile :)

After a series of feel good posts (and probably weekends), this weekend I feel 'argh'.
While still at work on Friday, I was boasting to people how am I going to have a busy yet fun weekend. And it almost started that way when I left from work almost an hour earlier than usual. I happily went shopping for my small lunch-time get together on Sunday. The guests are not many but 2 or 20 it takes the same amount of preparation. Scaling is often not a problem while cooking Indian food.
But almost as soon as I reached the super market, my weekend was hijacked! First I was asked a favour which cut short my shopping. I was not all p***d off by this but only until my friend called at 7 to decide about a programme today. I know I am being finnicky but I need to know what am I going to do at least 1 day in advance so that I can plan other things!!
Now my Friday evening is gone, my Saturday is already booked (for more favours) and I am not meeting my friend cause I have got myself into a lunch which I could have happily postponed :( I am yet to do my laundry, clean my room and God knows what all work of house keeping which I had planned for Friday evening.

So nothing seems to be going the right way this weekend. Now this makes me p***d off. But what makes me more completly pissed off is that people feel that being s single woman I 'look forward' to 'demanding favours'!!

And then I spoke to Papa :) Thanks Papa for explaining it once again - "You are good on the outside, because you are good on the inside & you are good on the inside only when you are happy. So whenever you are sad, ask yourself - what am I being sad for - is it/he/she worth upsetting me? And you will end up smiling pretty quickly :)"

My version of having a day 'off'

It was one of those weekends which I had 'completely' to myself!

After work, I went to do grocery and picked up some random cooking ingredients – including red and yellow peppers and cans of kidney beans! I had some idea of what I will do with them but wasn’t sure if I will actually do any cooking this weekend.

Today I woke up only when the sunlight through the curtains became too bright. Fortunately I remembered that it was Ganesh Chaturthi so quickly got ready and did my own little puja :)

After which had a good chat at home with little brother and mum. It is always nice to talk to them, but it is even better when we talk about my upcoming holiday :) We discussed menus, trips and shopping! All this talk pepped me up and I in a drastic change of plan I decided to venture out.

I thought I will renew my books from the library while I am out. One of the books I was about to finish was Paths of Glory by Jeffery Archer. I am not really a huge fan of Archer but he does have a simplistic approach and was one of the first authors I had started to read when I joined secondary school. The book is about first ever expedition to the Mount Everest and makes a captivating read.

I finished the book in the library. It was a very satisfying experience even for half an hour, to sit amidst books and read :)

Then I carried on with my window shopping/shopping for an amazing 2 hours. It was fruitful to some extent having bought some more gifts for people back home and milk :) (I am really keen on milk - Peeyo a glass full :))

Came back home and made myself the cup of tea I was longing for since morning and watched some not so interesting series on BBC which lulled me into siesta. But just as I was about to sleep, the internet started playing games. I realised I am so addicted to its presence that I wanted it to be up and running before I slept, just in case it was still gone when I got up! So while trying to get it sorted out time for my nap was gone.

I resisted the ‘lazy me’ taking over the ‘cook me’ and got down to making my very own version of Mexican wraps :)

I also made chane ki daal, shimla mirch ki sabzi along with -

The colours just looked so good

My mini fajita breads

The filling

Presentation style #1

Presentation style #2

All this hard work is very gratifying as it means I have food to last for entire working week :)

Random thoughts about Life in London

1. You will be surprised to see how ‘Indian’ is London. There is nothing really ‘foreign’ about England.

2. Recession in the UK is reality. Companies are going bankrupt everyday and there is lot of redundancy.

3. You would consciously be spending less or at least thinking twice before spending money. The constant worry to save on the back of your mind does take away some charm of living in the UK. If your intention is to save money, there will be some constant sacrifice/struggle.

4. It gets dark very early in winters and some people find it depressing when there is so little day light.

5. Some theatres show Hindi movies and there are plenty of Indian shops around. Even there are temples to go and celebrate the festivals.

6. There will be no maid and you will have to do all your work on your own, from washing clothes and dishes to ironing clothes to cleaning the house and even toilet (or worse clean a toilet which you would share with 4 other people!).

7. Regarding work culture – Office timings are quite strict, while at work people are not expected to attend to personal phone calls, or take days off unless sick.

8. There are no holidays during the year except 4-5 official offs. You will get 20 days of annual leave which you can avail for your once a year India trip.

9. It may seem that for some initial period you follow a very dull routine of work-home-work but as you begin to settle down you will find more things to do and enjoy your time here.

10. Transport For London is fantastic.

Stereotype

Lately, courtesy 'facebook' I have come across numerous stand-up comedy videos where the act is centered around stereotyping nationalities, colour, religion, professions etc. One of the very first I saw was of Russel Peter a Canadian-Indian who managed to crack the audience up with his imitation and interpretation of the stereotyping Indians face in Canada. He didn't mind using himself as the butt of these jokes and I was slightly surprised at how he could joke about things so close to home. But then I came across more comedians from various 'coloured' parts of the world making fun of going through additional security checks, being addressed rudely and being the keepers of WMD (Weapons of Mass Destruction) with panache. Middle Eastern comedians keen on showing to the world that their world is no longer Alladin's Arabia, Africans going beyond Rap about their accent and Indian crowds cheering to jokes about their children excelling at schools.

Quite unexpectedly I too, saw the humour and the purpose behind these shows. The genuine eagerness to show the rest of the world hidden facets of these 'infamous' countries. I was all for the cause eventually. And then I came across a news piece accompanied by a disturbing video of 2 teenagers being beaten to death in Pakistan while being watched by police. There were people who made videos, but none to stop the killing. Ironically, just before that I was watching a talk by Maz Jobrani (TED Talks) who with his group is on a mission to present to the world the positives of Middle East and is effectively leading a crusade against stereotyping.

Even though, I try my best to not to classify people because of their colour, geography or religion I found it really difficult to resist the mob-mentality of brutality being nurtured at our door step. In the 21st century, if an entire city did nothing but watch 2 young men being beaten to death in the most barabaric fashion and later hung as if dead animals, I could not but make generalisations. Apart from civilians who preferred making videos to post on youtube, there were armed policemen who simply took the 'best view' positions around the scene. If the police force of a country does not seem to think it was their duty to stop the violence what can one expect from the people at large?
And I am not talking about individuals, or even a dozen, there was a mob almost the size of a cinema audience. Not one of them felt the urge to stop it??

I may take a step back from my mental refinement, but very unfortunately it really made me re-think about the origins of stereotypes and that of 'popular belief'. Kudos to people like Maz Jobrani but incidents like this just keep letting them down. Again and again, breathing life to more security checks and more mistrust.

English Pancakes

Mostly when I cook, it is on an impulse - not of eating or hunger but of trying it out and being able to do something that I have not done before. That is why I find cooking for meals so boring - same old menu repeated over the week with slight variations. It is just not motivating enough for me to get myself to the kitchen to cook something which I already know exactly how it would turn out.


Crepe and Pancakes share almost the same batter in terms of ingredients. Whilst Crepes are said to be French, Pancakes are more English traditionally and lately American. But for political reasons and 'FOOD HONOURS' neither side would concede to this :D
Last month (when it was summer [sigh!]) I had gone to Brighton, a beach city along the SE coast of England. It is famous for it's full-of-amusement piers. There I had a super quick crepe recipe which just lingered on at the back of my mind.

The mystery batter was spread over a non-stick pan thinned out with a ladle, with a little amount of butter round the circle. It was left to brown for 20-30 sec only on one side. Then folded into halves still on the pan to make a quarter. Inside this cone/quarter we could fill chocolate syrup, whipped cream, bananas or even savoury ingredients such as minced meat.

The simplicity and taste of it made sure it appeared on my things-to-try-to-cook list. And the fact that this weekend, I had almost 2 pints of milk to use by this Monday finally resulted in the experiment ;)
I made mine without any egg, adding half a teaspoon of baking soda as a replacement (to give the fluffy texture).

Some of them did stick to the pan but eventually they started to come off smooth :) I cant wait to get to the market for some double cream (gluttony!!)and try the beach recipe by my window from where I see not much water down below but lots of watery clouds above! (After all, its English August)

Choco Chips Cookies

So this is cooking :)
I made a batch of almost 4 dozen, and they were gone before the week ended!
Looking forward to bake some to take home.

The Road Not Taken

TWO roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.

Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,

I doubted if I should ever come back.
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,

And that has made all the difference.

by Robert Frost

Sorry to all those I owed it.

Thank you mum, where ever I go from here I will know that a mother's love has no bounds.I owe you a lot mum, a lot more than I will ever be able to say.
I plead, let me live the life you have given me.

Thank you Mark

Invictus

Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the Pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds, and shall find, me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll.
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.

William Ernest Henley

Regards, Mark

Chocolate Brownie/Cake!

Easter baking :)

Time to open my eyes

Closing eyes doesn't make things disappear, they stay there to be more hurtful next time. It's been a long time that I started doing this. Whenever I have a conversation about things I don't want to think about or be questioned about I simply make myself forget that it ever happened. Living more than 7000 miles away from family surely helps. May be it is abusing the privilege of distance. I consciously replace the thought process by watching a cookery show or cooking or reading a book or going for a stroll or anything at all. It works every time; almost to perfection. This is so much easier when I don't have to breathe in the atmosphere pregnant with annoyance and allegations. There is no one around to push me back into it. It is indeed very convenient. But dangerous, I realised today. It makes you leave things unsorted, pending, piling up to strike back when you are least prepared - when you had comfortably forgotten about it.

So today I decided to take stock of the situation. I should not cave in, even if parts of me see it as the easier option out. But I wont, I cant let myself down by giving up without the fight I deserve. There are times when things work in your favour and times when they don't. It's quite easy to feel great about yourself when things fall in place and let the good times get to your head. That's exactly what happened. For last year and a half, things were working out, mind you I am not throwing away the credit to destiny, it was my hard work & good times made it pay. But I guess it's time to put on the fighting suit on once more, for a tougher, longer, more critical battle with circumstances not exactly on my side.

My coversations with God 1

God are you smiling? I am sure its fun for You ;) but but..I hope You make sure its just fun for me too..You have seen me do this before..are You not bored of it?
Please keep me closer..you know when I need you to give me a tight hug!
Love you.

Contd. 23 Aug 2009
God please plase give me the mind to be able to concentrate on the dissertation for this week and wrap it off. I really really want to have some time off it in Manchester. And I am trying to beat all physical distractions. But God you will have to take care of my mind..you know how useless it is ;) Please..I hope you are not having a good laugh right now!! [The emoticon I want to use here is :P but I think you might not like it!!]

Contd. 24th Aug 2009
God that was a hearty laugh I had, thanks! And the time after that - I dont want to be this. Can you help? please. Imagine - I cant continue like this forever ;) isnt it? So please make sure I have plenty of it around me :D
And yeah, thanks for being so attentive to details - you know what I mean. I will flatter myself and think that you have all the time in the world (pun intended) to actually post url errors to me - Marvellous.
Lots of love!

Contd. 27th Aug 2009
God this better be good..I am really really tired. I dont feel like I am putting my best foot forward..I really really really need a big tight hug..please help me out..please make me work through it..please
pretty please..

Cooking!

May be the title of the blog is a give away - I love cooking. Even though I am not very frequently doing so I love the act of conjuring mouth watering, aromatic delicacies :)
I love chopping onions and chillies with the precision of millimeters (only if you have the right knife and technique) and the adventure of flash frying. I have spent a good part of my telly watching years savouring exotic dishes being made 'too simple to believe' from all over the world.

All that and more for my love of cooking later.

What made me write this post was the fact whenever I am struggling with high pressure studies my mind tend to wander away to recipes for those after assignment parties (fictional of course!).

I am in midst of writing a very crucial piece of my dissertation and thinking about shahi toasts (deep fried bread dipped in fragrant sugar syrup) and sewaiya (vermicilli in sweet milk) :) Some day I will post if I get to make any of these..for now I should go back to the dissertation.

PS: I do cook occasional special dishes, strangely never thought of blogging about it. May be I can post some pics soon :)

He should be treated

Muslim star claims housing bias

It is such a shame for people like Emran Hashmi cashing on their relegious status to secure favours like this. When I read the article I felt an acute sense of anger - bitter anger for spoiling India's image. Such stories send messages of conflicts and riots to the outside world.
Terrorisism in India is fuelled by such gimmicks. Incidences of cashing on one's minority status has far more implications than merely making Hashmi get a flat in Pali Hill. It engenders bitterness which is exploited by terrorists or riot(ers) or politicians. They leave our country vulnerable to being split open.

I sincerly hope that people and more importantly media will be sensible enough and be able to look beyond the publicity stunt. And I sincerely hope that Muslims in our country will stand against their relegion being used as a medium of making property deals.

Que Sara sara

I have got the results. People have had the celebration. I have had the messages. Why this uncertainity?

Update - 26 July 2009
Things are taking shape, its almost as certain as it could get given the probabilities of a meteor hitting earth just before I make it!

An evening in London

Venue – Bromley South, Kent
Kent is a home county for London. 7 such counties surrounding London have been identified as Home Counties which constitute some kind of a Greater London. It is similar to having a National Capital Region in India. London lies in the South East of England.

Craig: British from Preston, Lancashire (It’s the same county for Manchester). Lancashire is in North West England. The size of this island (including Ireland) is quite small; it ranks 78 on the list of countries sorted by area. The distance between Preston and London is somewhere between 200-300miles. The distance between Agra and Lucknow is 225miles. The reason for giving all these statistics in Craig’s introduction is that Craig very deeply felt that people in the North West are far better than the people in South East. I was amazed at how difference could arise within a matter of couple of 100 miles. A distance which is hardly significant in a country as large as India.
Craig quite openly expressed how ‘up in the north’ people think logically where as in the South they are so illogical. ‘It is so difficult to make them understand’. As an outsider I can never imagine one English man to be less logical than another just because he is from down South. He had been completely stressed out by the London Tube (which can be bewildering for any first timer I must admit) and almost cursed the City.
The entire ordeal seemed to be worsened by the fact that it was a sunny day at 19 degrees. He was red and sweating (like a pig?). I was quite suspicious of his several sneezes due to spreading Swine Flu.
He must have been in his late thirties and looked like one of the many victims of recession in this country. Though his demeanour was nothing like a victim. He tried to assert himself and tried to make his presence felt by asking for adjusting the air conditioning of all the rooms we were taken to, water and tea. He mentioned how much he had been working on the tests and could solve any problems thanks to his logical thinking. Even between tests he felt necessary to announce how he did so well and that it was so simple if you could just think logically.
This could well be an animated effort from the numerous videos on internet telling you to be at ease and confident about yourself at assessment centres. My reaction to him ranged from pity for he had to come to a graduate recruitment to ‘please shun this attitude’.

Imran: I cannot comment on his nationality. Reason being he had come to England as a toddler perhaps from Pakistan. He was also from Manchester, but a different Uni. I had seen him outside the venue sceptical of entering the building. Finally when he did come inside and I tried to give him a smile but he was clearly quite uneasy and started looking in a different direction after a sheepish smile. It took another boy and 10 minutes to finally get him to tell his whereabouts.
I think his appearance needs to be described here for the sole reason that it was a big part of his personality (and I doubt, his existence). He wore large glasses in an outdated frame. He had longish hair forcibly combed backwards to appear clean. He had a beard which was jet black in colour and went way down his chin. His suit gave away the fact that it was borrowed from a healthy, taller person as he was extremely thin. He was evidently a little withdrawn from other candidates and had been looking for a job for more than a year now.
I didn’t get to spend much time with him as we were divided into different groups. But as soon we were taken for the first test he folded his trousers up to reveal his mismatched socks and ankles. I do not understand this habit/requirement of Islamic dressing but it did feel a little awkward to do so in a formal environment while wearing a suit.
Imran was a kind of person whom you feel like knowing about because some how he seemed to have held so much behind those glasses and the beard.

Chaitanya: Fellow Indian from a remote place at 4 hours distance from London. I am yet to familiarise myself with the naming conventions for places in England. There is a Salford in Manchester, so I am not sure if there could be a different Salfordshire County somewhere in the South.
I saw him too, outside the venue. He sat under a tree waiting for the time to go in. I believe both of us had arrived a tad too early for British standards (You got to be on time, not a minute before not a minute late).
I suspect he made an effort to exchange a smile before going in but I escaped behind my red book. Chaitanya is from Hyderabad, AP (I can tell a Hyderabadi from a distance fairly accurately:)). He saw my name on the visitor’s books and started the conversation. He was pleasant to talk to and frankly made me ease out a bit. However during the group activity though he was unexpectedly passive. I deliberately tried to include him in the discussion on 2 occasions which I think he took pretty well.
At the end of the day we left the building together asking each other to be in touch. (Just a casual British pleasantry to exchange)
Chaitanya is pursuing an MBA and I was surprised that he applied for this job.


Daniel: British from Cambridge. Cambridge is not far from London. But it may take an hour and half with public transport. He reached late and I met him directly in the exam room. This pretty much limited our interaction.
Nothing to do with him, is my excitement of meeting anybody named Daniel. It started well before coming to UK when during one of my numerous therapeutic conversations, S(P) and I decided that I would meet a Daniel here who would be my knight and S(P) would be enchanted by a Sophie :).
So with the name Daniel I associate some expectations. And when I do meet some Daniel, I smile to myself remembering our random conversations and the good it does to me – always :)
But this Daniel seemed to be particularly unlike my Daniel. He had a running nose (another suspicion of Swine Flu) and was shivering (out of nervousness?). He had a freckled face and curly red hair. Not a fault of his of course, but somehow I feel that red hair are too doll-like. I blamed him for not being the Daniel and then laughed at my own stupidity.

Xang (assumed) and MEA (name not known) were the other 2 candidates. Xang was from Birmingham and hardly spoke. MEA (Middle East, Europe & Asia) has been so called as he appeared from a Middle Eastern country with an accent. I could be wrong and he could well be an East European with dark hair. I didn’t have much chance to talk to them.
They were pretty much a part of the group, rather than individuals.

I think the best part of coming to UK so far has been to be able to meet so many different people both in terms of nature and nationalities.

Some words

Is there a word which captures the expression of "however" as well as However? I have so many times checked out for better synonyms of words and replaced them while writing. But never for a "However". The listed synonyms include - though, but, still, yet, nevertheless etc but somehow they never are replacements for "however".

All the synonyms of money - cash, bucks, grands, quids strangely dissimilar words.

to be contd. (or updated periodically)

A letter

For the first time in 14 years, neither of your sisters is with you on your birthday.
I don't know whether that's a good thing or bad ;)
I know its not the time for some unwanted gyan so there will no preaching..but may be a little sentimental crap. You know what exams and distances can do to you. There is so much of self thinking and revisiting of memories going on.
I have always always tried to be a good friend of yours - I dont know how much did I succeed, but I really hope that you at least count me as one of the friends.
Later comes the sister or rather the elder sister - I think I kind of missed out on that one. You have hardly been treated as a younger brother - ever. From my side you are a cute little friend of mine whom I can be a good Agony Aunt to and a Horrible one too..when I keep scolding you on your silly Maths things..
You know something at times when I shout at you for being silly while doing maths (more so over Skype as I cant give you one of my deadly stares :D) I feel its the feeling that you should not at any cost be weak in maths - like me. I could never perform well in Maths, and have been frequently embarrassed in class on my inabilities. But now that I know what I could have done I feel its my religious duty to guide in the best possible way I can.

Gosh you are 14. Now that is a big number - isnt it? Next year you will be mid way through the teens! I can still imagine you as a toddler. You know - jiji & I used to flaunt you :) We had the cutest baby brother on the block after all! - It was so cool :)
You have been so much a part of our growing up even if you were born a decade later. Actually I guess both of us realised how big we were only on seeing some one so little as you :) When you came we were the responsible kids, looking after the baby. Not that we did not have enough "big girls" things before but with you it became official - we could be left at home alone while mum dad went out, we could order food and we could use the gas stove :D Honestly, not before I started warming milk for you (we didnt have the microwave then) on the gas stove I was not supposed to light a match on my own. And I must confess - at first I didnt like it - you know why should I do things for you ;) After all I had never done things before but then I guess it just comes to you naturally. I think it was with you that jiji and I knew that we can actually love somebody so unconditionally.

We made sure you had a fun time growing up too! We would make you drink Pepsi and lick ice creams when you were hardly 6 months old. We would love to shop for you - all those tiny dresses and shoes. And dress you up in weird clothes. I wish we had the mobile+camera gadget then, we could have filled the entire house with your pics.
We have always been protective of you. But I am glad the way you have turned out - not a sissy at all. You can take good care of yourself now and I am proud of it. You are the man in my life (Cant claim jiji's after she is married ;)) I want you to have all the best things in life, I want you to be the smartest kid around and I want you to be smiling always.

I wish you a fabulous year ahead and I wish that you have many many many more best birthdays coming up. For you I can never settle for anything but the best!!

H@PPY Birthd@Y to one of my most favourite persons ever :)
Love,
jiji

Reality Check

A cousin of mine just gave birth to a baby boy. I am really happy for the couple and the entire family who are jubilant on the occasion. Both the mother and son are healthy. God bless them both.

Just a little after thought - She is 23. Got married at 22 and is yet to celebrate her first anniversary.

What happens to her life? I am an engineer, worked for a year and now doing my Masters. I am yet to be convinced about marrying. Do I ask for too much or what?

Suffering from "Online Streaming" Part II

I caught the infection around 5 months ago or rather the infection was there from longer it was diagnosed then (Part I) I am on alternative therapy (Bollywood to Hollywood) but the results are not very encouraging.

A Walk to Remember
A Very Long Engagement
Pretty Woman
50 First Dates
The Lion King
Pride of Simba
The Mistress of Spices
The Notebook
You've got mail
Sleepless in Seattle
Forrest Gump

I am sure to have missed at least a couple of couples more..

Activist Investors - An unlikely introduction!

Though the teaching term officially ended a couple of weeks ago, I am still very new to finance and business. I will be taking an exam (its a seen one) on that subject in exactly 10 days (9 to be fair) and one of the questions deal with Activist Investors.

I don't know if attending a class at 9AM makes other people sleep in the class or not but for me - title holder of "Pro-at-sleeping-while-sitting-anywhere-anytime" for almost 5 years now, its health issue :))

That was a bit of justification why I am still blank about many of the concepts in this area. But tonight I got a real deep insight into what 'Activist Investors' are from a very very unlikely source. Just like yesterday - it was movie time after dinner and today it was Pretty Woman (1990)

Richard Gere is as charming as he could be as he plays the role of an Activist Investor who 'buys companies which are in trouble and sells them piece by piece to make money'. Julia elucidates - 'its like stealing cars and selling the parts'.

I am sure there is much more to the topic than Richard, but for an inspiration to know more I think he is brilliant ;)

The Mistress of Spices

As usual, I was not feeling like to start looking at dry financial reports of companies I am not bothered about but rather unusually I chose to watch a movie.

I've been watching movies on YouTube for many months now (there was even a post for it), but mostly its by chance that stumble upon some part of a movie (most movies on YT are 10 parts or more) and then go on to complete it. Tonight, I actually searched for movies to watch. This is strange for me as I am the kind of person who would feel guilty for watching films with exams lined up.

And the movie did not disappoint me. Apart from the fact that Aishwarya Rai used to be a PYT 4 years ago, the narrative is captivating. Though it is more like an occult sort of thing even for Indians - 'to see things' it was rather feel good. The spice store has been done with detailed attention to colours and looks quite an authentic piece of art. The characters picked out of streets [though they have been portrayed on screen so often now they have stopped being 'next-door' {Thanks to NRI genre of Bollywood flicks}]* have been played convincingly by many known faces.

I liked the movie for one more thing - I can tell my spices now by names and not colour :)

It was a good distraction from business but lasted only for 2 hours..I guess I should sleep now and conserve some energy for tomorrow's clash!

* Sorry for using braces within braces - I guess that was a bit of Maths in English literature :))

How-do-you-feel-when-you-dont-know-what-you-are-feeling!

Yeah Ok I know that's a very stange heading. But I am really lost. I don't know where or why. I have loads of research/reading to be done. I have books spread in front of me and several word docs open on my laptop. Still I find myself cruising through blogs..random videos on YouTube and some sites on handmade jewellery. Isn't that weird? I even watched a movie - 'A very long engagement' - First World War :O I never never watch war movies. I find them so dull and depressing, but today I just want to be busy with anything that stops me from going back to my dissertation.

I have been trying all day but can't get hold of my train of thoughts. They seem to be on a wild run today. Something is amiss, I just cant put my finger at it. May be it's the fact that I haven't spoken to my folks today or may be its just a novice writer looking for excuses to escape from work.

I want to have a lavish meal, a walk in the sun and a new dress. I want them now.

The Bargain

It was made as a teaser for our presentation on the Surveillance Society in Britan. The presentation went well; A big "Thank God" with just an overnight's effort put into it.

Music - BBC Theme

Glory Glory United!

This is not a commentary on the superb Man Utd v/s Aston Villa match played at the Old Trafford this Sunday. Its an ode to the devoted fans who make each of these match an electrifying experience for me :)

I hardly knew the difference between Soccer and Football 6 months ago. And in most matches I was not aware of the opponents; but all this changed after I saw Manchester mourning when United lost to Liverpool (4-1) on that fateful day. I had been going to the stadium for 6 months then but never did a victory strike me as much as the defeat that day. I didn't realise when I had become a hard core Man U fan ready to pick up fights with my 13 year old brother rooting for Liverpool. 

The ambiance is mind blowing, you cant help falling in love with them especially after you catch a glimpse of your team from 5 feet apart. 

Glory Glory United Indeed. 

PS: I really like this pic :) 

Digitally yours!

Half way across the globe as we chit chat using an array of latest technology, I am closer to so many of them. I wonder why distance is blamed for so many failing relationships. It feels almost magical - being able to communicate so intimately across the seas. 

When it is a tense situation you can avoid the heat, when it is embarrassing you can hide the blush and when it is emotional you can pass tears as noise. Sometimes I wonder if that is an escapist route, but then I think often looking at a picture from a distance gives you a clearer view, a better understanding. And I am sure most of us want to see what the pixels put together look like not what each pixel is. 

1. Our family can be described as one of those where protocol comes first. So, I have the 'right' to question and argue but only when prompted. Now don't be judgemental. I think we come to like this arrangement, saves a lot of useless beating around the bush and at some level sets up the order. But some how, rather dramatically this protocol seemed to have taken a back seat. With dad over the phone we have talked, discussed and laughed about things he (and I) certainly couldn't have talked about face to face. A pleasant change, which I hope wont be reversed.

2 to 10. So many of my colleagues who were well, just colleagues have become my 'online friends' if that is still a phrase :) They discuss their lives with me feeling I am at a safe distance, they confide in me as I am not close to remind them of their weakness. And I feel lucky. Isn't it amazing how professional ties are always so tense, performance pressure, appraisals and what not and all of a sudden not being in the company qualifies me to gossips, grudges and so much more. 

Life is so much different when you see the bigger picture, when you look at it from a distance. 

University Elections

Same issues, same propaganda, same campaign. Then where is the difference? May be its the fact that these posters were sincerely (and amazingly) cleaned by next morning. 

Re-discover.

Bending the rules of written English: I would like to start with a conclusion. I like to hang out / chit-chat / be around people older than me. I know that is the last thing I need to add to my already “nerd” profile. But fact remains fact. Time and again I have seen myself detached from gatherings, staring at them from the outside. I feel forced to smile at stupid jokes and make phoney conversations about the latest fads (if I am able to come up with any !!). I wonder if I am too old already or I am too laid back. May be I need to do a bit of catching up with times and update my configuration :D But I am rather happy with my PIII and 40 GB hard disk. (The system on which I type this post is Pentium Core 2 Duo with 160 GB hard disk and 2 GB RAM, this might give you an idea to the era I belong.)

So this retrospective conclusion comes from a recent weekend trip to Birmingham. I stayed with an elderly doctor couple both in their sixties and had a time of my life. We had marvellous food (I value home made Chole and chapattis as priceless ;) ) fantastic after dinner gossips and a great time at the Cadbury’s World. As I could not write as I was experiencing the delight I would like to capture it in some broken phrases.

Pleasure. Respect. Struggle.

Opulence. Care. Dignity.

Pride. Faith. Goodwill.

Amazing. Independence. Rich.

Humour. Warmth. Gardening.

Taste. Class. Love.

Mercedes. Motivation. Comfort.

Prestige. Problems. Gossip.

Plush. Interest. Discipline.

Rational. Emotional. Encouraging.

Achievement. Strength. Maturity.

Phew!

Making decisions is such a taxing activity for me. May be its something to do with the fact that I am Libran :)
A little after I finished school I have always been so apprehensive of my own decisions. It is such a contradiction of my "nature" or my "personality". I claim to be an independent soul quite untied to many of the conventional posts in life. But when it comes to taking decisions I am such a mumble fumble. I wish if somebody could decide (of course with my consent) for me and take the "associated risks" away from me.

I wonder if all of us look for a sanction of the decisions from those who surround us even if they do not make an impact on our lives? If deciding a dissertation project could be such a torture I wonder what could bigger decisions do to me.

For now I am happy its over :) Good or bad..it was mine. I have 60 days to justify my pick, I hope to beat the deadline. I hope to replace the bad after taste of decision making that lingers from past by the aroma of success :)

Is it too much too much to ask for?

I feel better :)

I had one of the most memorable Sundays in Manchester, The Sunday service, the China town trip, the incessant snow (The longest in Manchester - hasnt stopped in 24 hours), the Indo-Chinese dinner..Wonderful !

May be this time I started on the right note. 

Classes start tomorrow, I dont think that is fair - Gimme a break!! Never mind though..I need to learn to have fun @ work (Sounds so corporate ;) ) 

Do we have a choice to start over again?

I believe its only glamorous film stars who claim that "Even if given a chance to start all over again, I would still live the same life". Most of us, (OK no generalisations) I have a tinge to do several or most parts of my life again. Does this reflect remorse? Guilt? Ambitions? lack of faith? Or the desperation to set things right. Call it what you may but I want a Take 2. 

There are plenty of relationships to correct. I guess I have always been a little too intolerant in relations and/or lacked the effort to make it work. I get suffocated too soon, and this has cost me more than I could bargain for. Instead of space I end up with distance. I want a second chance at all of them. I want to shape them again, to be able to justify them. At some point or other I have failed the most important people in my life, I want to make it up. Could "oblivious" work for me? I wish it could. There is a lot to be erased and a lot to be written. Conversations that end up being dead arguments, misunderstandings and presumptions..I need to Cntrl + Z.

There are plenty of opportunities I feel I closed my doors on, right in their face. Messing up with the pre-graduation aspirations, something which led to some of the most dramatic events of my life both - in terms of what could be and what it came to be. If I were to blame destiny for the turn of events then probably this phase of my life was written by Satan himself. But I don't blame a bad author for my mistakes. The irreparable damage cannot be patched. It needs to be re-done. History repeats until deliberately made otherwise. I goofed up at the time of graduation as well. Making the easy choices is never the easy way out. Too late for the gyan though. 

Today its another world, another story but the damage has not been healed. Can I hope for a fresh start as I end this phase? Please? Can you ever shrug your past off the shoulders? Can you make people forget? Can you? How?? I need a re-start. I want to end this session. I want to start on a clean slate - with everyone. I want a Take 2.

Are there greater joys? Or smaller ones?

Back to being a student...

I hate exams, even if that's a strong word. The following seem to simply lose relevance when you need to burn bottles of oil in the night lamp. As a matter of fact I did not think many of these as 'moments' until I started typing.

1. To know that you are studying for your last exam.
2. To plan the after exam party.
3. Seeing your lucky charm on the way to exam hall ( remember the aeroplanes guys? :) )
4. Seeing the questions you had prepared for in the question paper.
5. A sympathetic smile from the invigilator.
6. Seeing missed calls of your dear ones in the 2 hours of exams.
7. Writing the conclusion for the last answer and still seeing 5 minutes to go.
8. The last bell.
9. To discuss a doubtful answer and having it done right. (Yessss!)
10. To get a call from home ASAP.
11. Not having bread / cornflakes / Maggi for a meal after days together!

In no particular order of ranking.

After thought - Why do I realise this midway through my exams?

When it snows..

 It looks so heavenly..without any noise..in the silence of midnight..soft flakes just making everything so white..

Googling for life !

Suffering from "Online streaming"

Welcome to Sajjanpur
A Wednesday
Rock on
Golmal returns
Dostana
Kungfu panda
Sorry Bhai
Oye Lucky
Dasvidaniya
Jane tu ya jane na

There must have been more..I am losing count..I have watched more movies in 2 months at Manchester than all my adult life put together :) Cheers to Indian film industry for churning out more movies (most crappy) out every Friday !!

10 Things I need to do - ASAP!

1. Time management
2. Think less
3. Do more
4. Concentrate
5. Be good
6. Talk less
7. Enjoy cooking
8. Start eating eggs
9. Make a schedule
10. Start STUDYING

and to do this without whining...

Days that follow...

The Mumbai terror strike has shattered my thought process. I spent 16 hours watching live video from the Taj of the Operation Cyclone, unable to shut down the system.

I wish I could write something comprehensive about the attacks and the aftermath. I wish I could invoke some thinking in all of us who are beginning to get immune to terrorism. But I am too disturbed. My thoughts are fragments of fear and anger. I am not able to make sense of the situation. Here is a series of thoughts that are haunting me for more than 70 hours now.

Why do we have to wait until the terrorists attack us? I salute to the NSG, the Army, the Police force, the Fire fighters and each individual who braved this situation for their courage and sheer grit. We have the capabilities. Let us take them from the front. Kill the bastards before they can do the damage.

Who is behind these attacks? The brain who knew that the operation could last for days, the brain who knew the Taj was vulnerable, the brain who could foresee the economic implications, the brain who could poison brains of 10 SOBs, the brain who is against India to this extent. Who is he? Certainly not a group of amateur individuals, then who?

Who is funding them? Who is supplying the ammunition? Where are they getting trained?

I have spent years conveniently thinking that the blasts are a Hindu Muslim rivalry. This is not religious. It is Anti-India. This comes from outside. But who is foolish enough to hallucinate India’s destruction? A country of billions, we will rise and shine come what may.

Scaring away foreigners from India? Cutting down on its investment options? Spreading insecurity among businesses world wide? Who can be benefited from such consequences?

What is wrong with the neighbours? Why are they turning a blind eye to it? Are the leaders so short sighted that they don’t see the fire spreading across?

How come 3 senior officials got killed so early on in the operation? Did we underestimate?

Are the politicians for once going to take their jobs seriously? Is it not tragic enough for them to still play silly and dirty party politics?

I hate to admit, but as I sit separated from my family by thousands of kilometres I feel scared. I feel the heat and the danger they are in.

When is the terrorism going to stop? What is the goal of such inhumane acts? What is going wrong – each time – all the time?

A year I wish was different

India is hit again, right where it hurts most. This blog is not a piece of writing, it is just a reaction. So please excuse the grammar, punctuations, spellings and all other usual tenets of the English language.
The blasts in Mumbai or rather the planned terrorist activities – hostage, firings, bomb blasts and the fire..the live videos, photographs and news articles..they all send a chill down my spine as I gather news over the internet far away in U.K. Silly as it may seem but I feel scared sitting in room. It is like our country has entered a state of continuous war – with the worst enemies ever.

I am not trying to get the facts right – but 2008 might have been the worst year in terrorist history in India. Series of blasts, one after another are shaking the country.

Mumbai, Nov 26, 2008: Several killed and many more injured in seven terror attacks targetting mostly foreigners' hangout places.
Assam, Oct 30, 2008: At least 45 killed (figure can change) and over 100 injured in 18 terror bombings across Assam.
Imphal, Oct 21, 2008: 17 killed in a powerful blast near Manipur Police Commando complex. Kanpur, Oct 14, 2008: Eight people injured after bomb planted on a rented bicycle went off Colonelganj market.
Malegaon, Maharashtra, Sep 29, 2008: Five people died after a bomb kept in a motorbike went off in a crowded market.
Modasa, Gujarat, Sep 29 2008: One killed and several injured after a low-intensity bomb kept on a motorcycle went off near a mosque.
New Delhi, Sep 27, 2008: Three people killed after a crude bomb was thrown in a busy market in Mehrauli.
New Delhi, Sep 13, 2008: 26 people killed in six blasts across the city.
Ahmedabad, July 26, 2008: 57 people killed after 20-odd synchronised bombs went off within less than two hours.
Bangalore, July 25, 2008: One person killed in a low-intensity bomb explosion.
Jaipur, May 13, 2008: 68 people killed in serial bombings.
Nov. 26, 2008: Series of shooting and grenade attacks, including two on luxury hotels, kill at least 78 people and wound 100 in Mumbai, India's main commercial city.

(Reference: Statistics from Times of India website)

I don’t know why or I don’t know how but I do know that the criminals who do this are hitting hard. ATS Chief? Are they the insiders? To come this close?

I urge the popliticians of this great country to treat the present as a time of crisis, to make terrorism common agenda. To think of the country – just this once. Think a little beyond the vote banks and the swiss accounts. For just this once think of the citizens who are not sure if they are coming back from office in the evening..think of the citizens who are paying the price of it. Think beyond your Z level security and bullet proof cars. Think of the commoner and ACT.

And I urge the media to co-operate. To take this accident not as an opportunity of sensational news but to be a tool to the government. Spread awareness, run help lines, collect funds, make forums. Use your power to integrate our country, so that we can fight them out of this nation as a united force.

"The joy of life lies in nature's beauty and preserving it is our sacred duty"

As we make way through the twenty-first century with amazing speed simple joys of life become complex activities.

“The really happy person is one who can enjoy the simple scenery abound in nature.”—Unknown

These words though from an unknown source are invaluable for those of us who realise that in our quest of moving ahead we are leaving behind the truest of all joys – the joy of nature. What do you think are the joys of life? The thrill of winning a well played game, listening to a piece of well written music, or immersing yourself into an immaculate work of art?
All these and I am sure many more can be simulated within the comfort of our concrete walls with the help of some hi-fi instruments. But that’s the whole point – it will always be a simulation; a second hand experience.

Human kind has started seeking joys from such man made devices. They or rather I should say we are seeking solace and company from our computers and mobile phones. Children today are living an artificial life through computer programs. The joy of playing in a park with wet grass tickling your feet and dust rising in the air can not be duplicated by dummy software with graphics and sound effects.

We listen to techno music – digitally made but never make an attempt to listen to the musical chirping of birds at sun rise or the melodious sound of water in a river. The elation one feels on being connected to the nature around is incomparable to a set of headphones blaring out the music.

We create art using high resolution photo shops, but have you ever paused to enjoy the perfect spread of colours at a sunset? Or the magical colours of butterflies and flowers? Isn’t it simply marvellous?

As the age old saying goes – its better late than never. People are sitting up and taking notice of the fast depleting natural sources around them. Now it’s the duty of students like us who are aware of need of the hour to take the lead. We are all obliged to serve nature – just in the way we are towards our parents for providing us with all our needs.
We have already lost a lot of time in realising this, now is the time for action. We are still lucky enough to see grass and birds, trees and animals around us, but this may not last long enough for the coming generations. So, I will conclude with two lines –

Preserve now and save for future,
The joys of Mother Nature.

Manchester United – The glam game!

So I get a taste of part time work :) I am happy about it – so far so good. They say it was not a big game – there was hardly anybody around. Definitely a good day for debut, I could learn at my own pace :) I hope to get paid for this one so that I can decide whether I will be going to other matches or not. I met some people at the kiosk and they were all good with me :) One thing to note – none of them was a Brit.

Rene – the kiosk in charge is Greek I think, she was as all TLs are – uneasy under the crown. But she was at least not snubbing people around.

Louis – was like me; an assistant but he had been working 3 weeks so he knew a lot of stuff. He is from Portugal and did the same course as me, but the bad news is he is still hunting for a job. Anyways he was really warm and helpful. He really made me comfortable.

Rohit – An Indian with family in Manchester. He is a first year undergrad. He was good too; smiling and friendly. But he soon moved to another kiosk so didn’t get to interact with him much.

Daira – Don’t know much about him, just that he looked more like a rap singer and his accent was difficult to understand. But he was cool and wished he could be Michael Jackson.

Last but not the least was Mohammad – A Brit Pakistani I guess, he was fun and easy going – was definitely making more noise and less work but lots of energy to keep the kiosk warm :)

An assortment of people I could have never imagined to have met and work with a couple of months ago. Here I am, living through this dream. I never knew I was meant to come this far (pun intended), but now that I am here – I want to make the most of it.
It’s a new dawn – for sure !!

I am not sure what will I write as I come back to this blog after a year and 3 months but I want to commemorate the date and hence the blog.

Its been a long journey since from states within India to outside the continent, and the journey deserves to be well written about.
Someday soon, may be as I celebrate my 1st white Christmas :)

Thanks to those who have always been there - for never making me feel far from them.
WE are good! and always stay connected :):):) May be we have a stronger signal coverage than all the mobile networks put together.

Cheers to us and cheers to life for being larger than imagination :)

The agony of uncertainity~

As I wait for the test to begin my stomach churns with anticipation. I am not prepared.
But here I am facing questions as they come.
I am hoping for a miracle. For a favourable result. It might just egg me on to prepare for the next !
The sooner its over the better it is.
Right now I am hanging in the middle of nowhere. It is just like the vacuum you feel when you have finished schooling and not entered any college.
Same dilemma, same listlessness, same aunties asking similar questions, it just festers me so much.
I know I dont preplan but Hey You !--You can definitely give me a peekaboo..

Few names in order of roll numbers :)

Ramya
Nandini
Raghav
Sameer
Shloka
Raghav
Ishan
Prachi
Ananya


just to put them down somewhere..

From deep within..
As always I have loads of things that I would like to pour out and as always I don’t know where to begin.
Nearing the end of college I hear people talking about how time flew by, but for me everything has been like a slow moving marquee. It seemed forever when it was bad and it seemed forever when it was good. Because the bad was too bad to bear and the good was good enough to last forever.

Hitting the bottom and bouncing back takes a lot of everything; and a few great friends. FRIENDS- friends who stand by you when you fall, friends who support you when it matters most. In such times comes out the true meaning of companionship. When loneliness hits you worst, comes an understanding hand, a caring friend and a wonderful listener.
After many light years you dare to dream, once again you notice the colour in flowers and once again you hear the music in rain.To know that there are people who have not deserted you, to know that you are still wanted...to know that you have a buddy-the greatest ever. It is Fantastic : )
Only those know the joy of paradise regained who have seen the paradise lost. Things look sunny, everybody is fine. Just perfect. But perfection never lasts long.