Thinking Aloud

An unusual post. I have been struggling with so many thoughts in my mind. It is even difficult to sleep unless it is physically impossible to stay awake. I do share most of them with S but sometimes saying also doesn't help. I am not very hopeful that writing would either but I just felt like putting them down. 

Separation anxiety - Without being aware of it, I think I am feeling very anxious about S moving to another country. Some where less accessible than now. Really, after having lived more than 7000 miles away from each other for most part of our relationship, it shouldn't matter too much to me - these 700km. But it is bothering me. The fact that it is outside of the border. 

And the fact we were meant to live together once his course ends. It seems that it may not be so soon after all. I wholeheartedly thank God for having given us this one anchor. And my sane self does realise that it is the best for us at the moment. But here I am. I want to have my cake and eat it too.

Uninterested in work - This I have been acutely aware of. Rapidly I am losing interest in what I do on a day to day basis. Of course what I am doing for past month and a half is very very different from the rest of the time at my employers' even then. I had enjoyed it initially - when there were issues, there was diagnostics and solutions. But now it feels there are too many problems, too little time for diagnosis and too few people to work on it. I don't think so it should matter to me. However, it does. I lose heart over every issue found, I lose zest with every diagnosis I make. It can't carry on like this. I need to pull myself together. As in my director's words - 'We are a small company, and we have to keep it lean - only the best stays'.

Logistics - Of finding another accommodation, another job, S's relocation, planning India trip, planning in-laws' trip and the list goes on.

Brain, please sort it out.

Stationary - the love of it!

Since childhood, my sister & I have had this strange attraction (for want of a better word) towards exclusive stationary items. I guess it would have something to do with our parents having an affinity for books and all things educational :)

From a very young age, we would both be more delighted to be left to pick and choose in a stationary shop rather than in an ice cream parlour :)) I can't put my finger on the emotion that went behind it but I have such amazing memories of the Modern Book Depot in Agra and many such special stationary shops over the years. Our eraser collection - featuring everything from bugs to burgers, shoes to lunch boxes and what not, is still growing steadily! I recently bought a vivid yellow and blue turtle :) And when I went to Selfridges , Bgham for the first time a few months ago, I ended up buying an eraser which looked like a pebble!

My sister's collection of pens was envy of many. And I have a feeling that, secretly, my father encouraged her :D 

Whenever I am out window shopping, I cannot resist going into stationary shops. They just feel so much at home, so much is still desirable even if not used as often because of computers! Hmph.

The other day whilst doing 'grocery' shopping with S, I found these - Par Avion envelopes. And I couldn't resist. I am a very very (may be a very too much!) sensible shopper. Even then, when I know I don't write many letters these days, I bought them - for my sheer love of stationary :)

Perhaps they will even motivate me to write a few more letters :)

Some day, when we will have a home-home, I am going to have a dedicated study - a place for my love of books and all things stationary :)

Picture 1 - Modern Book Depot, Agra

Picture 2 - My Par-Avion Envelopes

Sunday

My usual Sunday is made up of having formal conversation with Mum & Dad, lazy breakfast, a stroll to the high street and some cooking in the evening.

Today I did most of this but still the day felt so useless, so boring. I ended up spending hours watching tele and laying in the bed for most of the day. I absolutely dislike the feeling of wasted time. It makes me so pathetic. This plus the stress of going back to work tomorrow (it is almost a battleground these days!) made me pick up a fight with S. Good sense prevailed though and after a sudden/quick nap; without thinking , I went to the kitchen. Once again, cooking healed :) I made run of the mill weekly dinner - nothing special, yet it lent a sense of productivity to my otherwise wasted day. A strongly brewed tea made my head a little clear and less irritable.

Thankfully S doesn't sulk over my tantrums :D We were back to normal!

Then a very good thing happened - I found the way to recover my credit card's lost pin :) It instantly lifted the dullness from my mind :)

Ah! The joys of -

1. Suddenly finding something long misplaced

2. The prospect of shopping with extra card holder's discounts

3. The temptation of earning loyalty points

:) :) :) Is it only women?

Thank You God!

In just about an year since we decided to be one, life looks much brighter :)

7.6.12 marks 6 months of being husband & wife :)
Please God, now give us some time of being together in a nice hubby-wifey way :))

Thank you God, for having sorted so much of our lives!