The Phantom Gang

We studied together for our 1st degree, and we came together to be a group by means of transport!

As I write this, I think the most tangible common thing amongst us was that we all travelled to college daily on the same route.

We are 9 in all. And I guess we all started in pairs or triples. Then we just coagulated to form this mammoth group. (I say mammoth, because overtime many people have said to me - that's a huge group to be as close as you guys are :)) I met 98 on the 2nd day to college (first by bus, daddy dearest dropped me the first day :), don't know why recollecting this made me smile). I had met her before, in the utterly useless coaching classes, but it was just that - we had only met. In an alien environment, it felt exceptionally friendly. We decided to travel together, and stuck by it for next 4 years!

Then I met 117 in college, she was just as she is now :) Totally a cat :P I think I am more like her than the rest.

We started on a good note and wrote many many stories together :D The troublesome twosome!!

105 - petite and polite, the one in the dariyai aasman. For her I think we just 'happened'. If we wouldn't have happened, life wouldn't have been any different. But I really took to her as my younger sister (Not sure she is younger though ;)) Protective and pushy (OK sometimes bullying too) towards her. She has a special place.

On the other side, 94 and 85 had met and been on the bus :)

For a few months, the 3 (4) of us would see and talk and meet 94 and 85 in college, until one day when we decided to travel together :) I am not quite sure how and when 74, 75 and 88 met 94 and 85. But then, when we had started travelling together, they automatically joined the circle :)

It will be 8 long years since then this summer! We have all been conditioned (I don't want to say changed) and moved on to do different things. Hardly ever any 2 of us stayed in the same city for long after college (barring 85 and 88) but we have managed to keep in touch, to still wish each other, to still write common emails and to still plan common holidays!

And I cant stop relishing this little 'kept in touch' thing of ours :)

Recently,  I realised, I might have been talking of a phantom gang - a thing of past. Not a nice thought. Not that bad either - A couple of us have gone beyond this, and got married!! Some are still very good friends. With others its takes a tiny bit more effort, and with some, one can just pick from where you left - always. So not depressed - just yet!

Appreciation

If someone was to ask me what was one sin I am guilty of - I wouldn't have any of the seven to name. It would be seeking appreciation.
I put my heart and soul in most things I do - no doubt it gives me immense satisfaction & motivation when I see the fruits but the sweetness of this fruit depends on others appreciating me.
This weakness of mine has saddened me on occasions when I should be rejoicing my hard work.
I don't like it. I should overcome it, but I am a long way from it :(
Someday I will redeem myself, but until then it is handy to have a husband who would do it for me :) (Doesn't matter even if it takes a bit of prodding, it might get better with time!)

A book not worth having written

This year's reading started with a rather sad book. I had been having trouble sleeping without a book for almost a week and it was one hasty pick from the library.

Custody by Manju Kapur. I had read other books from this author & knew a bit of her background (she teaches/taught in my sister's college). So when I saw it lying in the returned book shelf I didn't think a lot before borrowing.

However, to my huge disappointment this book was not even worth writing, let alone reading.

It feels like reading a compilation of news clippings from Delhi Times.Young adults, well educated and quickly married. Young parents, foreign holidays, quarrels and divorces. Neither the plot is not original, nor do the characters have anything original about them. Split families - torn children, why would a reader spend time reading a book when this is all he/she gets on TOI.com?

Weakest point of the book - about mid-way one of the wives reveals her intention to keep only the son from the marriage and give away the daughter for the sake of divorce. Guess what - this is what happens in the end!!

It was not expected of an author who has written some good books before (Difficult Daughters). I somehow managed to keep reading, convinced in my mind that of course the evil wife wont have her way - but no, that's what happened. No point in reading the remaining 150 pages, isn't it?

This morning when I got up, I found that hardly 50 pages more were left. So I thought well lets finish it and then begin the day. It was a bad ending & a bad beginning.

Sorry Manju Kapur, but the book doesn't work for me - at all!

Happy New Year!

As predicted, I was not able to update the blog for more than a month! But this was good busy :) So many events, so many people :)
It is good to be surrounded by your folks! And it is a bonanza if you are a bride-to-be, bride, brand new daughter-in-law, & a brand new wifey :)

After a month of the wedding, I think the best part is that I forget at times that we are married, we are so good at being friends :) (touch wood)

Here is wishing everyone a fantastic year to come ahead!

More soon.

And here goes November!

Didn't realise, but already it is less than one week before Miss Garg fly to India for the last time :)
Sad to leave S behind for so many days, specially when padayi pressure is peaking.
Well, I guess, it will be growing  up time for some one ;)

Not sure when will I be writing (properly) again. I hope I can squeeze in a couple of wedding posts but looks unlikely as the bride in a big fat Indian wedding :)

Looking forward to capturing these moments of a life time with friends & family :)
Here's wishing everyone a Merry Christmas & a very Happy New Year :) :) :)

Before October speeds by!

A lot & I really mean a LOT has happened over these past 4 weeks. Each week indeed deserves a post of its own. But I am quite sceptical of such indulgence in writing, given what my schedule has been! So here is a post which is 'dedicated' to these 4 weeks which have gone by.
Some day, when I will be able to extract a quiet hour, I am going to expand on these:

Week 1 S arrived in London. (Yes, he has :))
Week 2 We rented our first house!
Week 3 We got engaged (in person :D) & Karwachauth & Birthday
Week 4 Diwali festivities


:) :) :) This is blog #84!

The Read-Greed

2 books over 2 weeks - that's incredible given that I am working Saturdays!

I remember having written this down somewhere before, but I repeat - I think writing is equivalent in pleasure as reading, only it is more effort and hence less attractive.

For me reading is receiving, while writing is giving - some one else, something to read. And it takes a lot to be able to give more readily than take.

For last couple of weeks, my Internet usage has been limited to emails - no videos, no iPlayer and mostly no voice/video chats. So I have been lured back into the familiar world of books :) I have devoured on 2 fast paced novels both of which I think have been hugely popular owing to their succinct yet well narrated plots.

When I had finished the first book, I was totally up for writing something about it - not a review, but just recording my thoughts about it but the Read-Greed kicked in & I moved on to the next. 

I couldn't even wait to get to the library next morning, so I just downloaded a pdf :) It is one of very few books I have not read on paper. But at least I was reading.

I just finished the 2nd one, but a couple of days ago I had already borrowed 2 more books & again I cant wait to start on them!! But hey ho, at least I've managed to write something first - not about the books as I had thought but about my Read-Greed!!

PS: Just in case I don't manage to write about the books - I want to share the names here - The Kite Runner By KH and Room by ED

Think Food!

This is my book mark for the book I am currently reading. Focus is on putting on some weight without doing the hours in the kitchen. Any ideas?
Insant food. Appear!!
By the way, the book mark does work in some ways - at least I have thought of 4 different egg-free cup cakes and cakes recipes since I started with the book ;) I guess my next book mark will be - 'Do Food!'

A Lazy Sunday & A Book

There have not been very many of them this year so far. And I doubt there will be many ahead. It is hard (busy) work getting married!

After having borrowed a book from the library for well over 9 weeks(!!) I finally managed to finish it today. It was waiting for such a day I guess. When I was not jibing away to the computer or out in the market or attending to the Sunday socials. As if I was left out of all this so that I could just sit back and get absorbed in the book without any distractions :)

Well what can I say about the book - The Satanic Verses by Salman Rushdie, a lot has been written about it already. To be honest, I had to refer to Wikipedia to recognise the portions in it which inspired the 'fatwa' against the author. As a non-Muslim person I fail to see anything anti-religion in. In fact if at all, it does through various anecdotes establishes the presence of God and His power of 'directing' the worlds we assume we are in control of.

Being a resident in a country other than my own, makes me see some of the hatred spewed for immigrants in the book. I am glad though, if anything, situation has not worsened from what was written decades ago. (The economic crisis has sprouted some debates but then they are for entirely different reasons)
The characters in the book are named after those described in the Quran, and unless I read about them - Ayesha, Mishal, Suleman etc. I might not completely understand the links the author was trying to establish. For me, each of the character described are not separate people but facets of an average human being - jealously in Gibreel, revenge in Chamcha, insecurities in Allie, greed in Changez and so on. I must say I am yet to come across any other account of human nature/mind in such details. Impressed.

The book is definitely a heavy read and perhaps a re-read, but for sure it has the content to deserve it. It is my second Rushdie (Midnight's Children was first & liked better because of the non-cryptic text) and I have not been disappointed. (Even if for non-Quran reading folks like me will have to keep going back to Google to get the connections sorted!)

By the way, while I was reading, the clouds came & rained. Guess it is time for me to hit the high street :)

Cross

That's what I feel with all these tasks in 'Pending' list. I have always been a very 'To Do List' kind of person. Since school times I remember having a very well organised 'diary' listing all the subjects (in order of the timetable) and homework. There were even entries with 'no work' for subjects I didn't get homework for!

Then there were exam times with the whole printed syllabus as a huge 'to-do'. I must say it worked very well for me. I would try and allocate time to each portion (pessimistic estimates, so that I can be pleased with myself when I finish something earlier than scheduled ;)). It made me want to get another thing 'done'. Big motivation. And the pleasure of tearing off the 'completed' list. Ah!

It is not much different at work. I still try and make my things to do list every morning. But most days I get deflected into other stuff. My to-do list gets extended over a period of days. Though this is not how I would prefer it, but as long as things keep getting removed I don't really mind.

However, even after giving myself a list of things almost religiously for over a decade work-wise, I haven't been able to get this going in my personal life very efficiently. In last 3-4 months there are things which are just getting piled up, some things due to lack of attention from others and others due to my lack of attention/motivation. Irritating state of things to be least.
After almost a month of leaving the Internet connection to sort itself out, I had to jump in. Result - nothing has moved in 1 month. Status = Pending. Arrggghhh. Wish I could be more organised personally.

Then there are things which you can't do very much about other than wait. Again status = Pending. And I am crossed.

Immediate solution - switch off your brain; watch some TV.
(but there is no Internet - cross cross very cross!!)

If it was a holiday!

Perhaps I woudn't have slept all night with excitement. It's not a holiday though, and I still have not slept, but now I have a guilt. For not finishing what I was meant to and not sleeping which means I will be sleepy at work :(

Perhaps I would have got ready & dressed pretty.
Perhaps I would have even cooked a treat!

But it is not a holiday and I am awake since 4 with office docs open on the laptop, to be ignored in favour of random videos and a blog!

Happy Independence Day :)

Let's Pretend!

That's a game my 4 year old nephew loves to play & so do so many grown ups!
It is difficult to move around people who are constantly worrying about their 'image' in the social circle. I agree that one cannot live in the society without following its norms but then where is the limit?
I fail to understand such strong desires to 'create' the 'high social value' tags in adults. Don't they miss having some genuine fun? Would I not hang out with some people I used to have fun with because they couldn't keep up with my progress in life? What sort of relations are these which are based on 'should I be seen with him/her'?

Apparently, I lack these very basic social skills! I shouldn't really bother about asking how one is doing as it is more important to drop names & holiday spots than asking after people ;) Recently I got reminded of this lack of conversational skill and I couldn't help but think that what a pain it must be to keep wearing a mask all the time.

I think the adults take their game of Lets Pretend much more seriously than kids do. We all at various points in life pretend to like people to be politically correct. But to do it as second nature is I think quite harmful. I guess mostly neither the doer nor the receiver takes these things on face value but I most certainly do. I would much rather have it all out in the open. And if I genuinely cant get along with you, I just cant! Why pretend?

There is another aspect to this pretend game - pretending to be casual & not malicious when you clearly know that you are saying/doing things to an end. People around you are not foolish but just choose to be quiet. However, they do understand your intentions. So for heaven's sake stop saying stupid things which think go as wise wine - it simply stinks :D

Glad that I am as far away from this as possible. And relieved that there is a reason for me in future to stay away from it ;) :) :)

Let there be PEACE

We hadn't really enjoyed that much so as to attract the devil, then why this now?
God, can we please be through this & be at peace for a while? Pretty please!!

I know, I was not signing up for a cake walk when I decided to go ahead but this is plain scary. Challenges yes, dead ends No.

Give me oil in my lamp & Let there be Peace!

The way I should be feeling

...and I dont. Only in fleeting instances I feel the reality of it all - of the huge change that is going to alter the way I do things - big and small. The way I dress, talk, eat, sleep..everything. I am super duper happy.
This is the biggest event yet in my life yet, and still I dont feel the butterflies in my tummy, the blush in my cheeks, the bounce in my walk or the music in voice.

I hope to combine my rock solid happiness with some jittery expressions :))

75th & Special

More than just a counter, it is special :) Still pinching myself!
5/6/11

:) :) :)

Vacuum

That's where I want to be right now. That's what I want to feel right now and that's what I want my brain to be right now. 

It is such a mess - this whole thing. They say faith should be blind. But faith works right?

This too shall pass, for better things to come. 

Amen

Aloo Tikki

Cooking after ages it seems. On a lazy Saturday afternoon I was going through my fattest veg cooking book yet & it was impossible for me to resist the lure. Nothing specifically from the book but inspired by my love of potatoes (and their ease of access) I made a cross of Indian aloo tikki and English roasties.

I boiled and grated 2 big potatoes, diced some onion and put in some chilli flakes and salt and mixed it all together. This was my mix to make the tikkies (cakes). For the batter -
plain flour, vinegar, mint sauce, ketchup(!), salt, chat masala, chilli flakes and ajwain seeds. It was a lovely pale pink in colour.

Heated oil in a frying pan and dipped the cakes into the batter and shallow fried 2 at a time. In the end I had some batter left so I dipped pieces of bread in the same and shallow fried. Made for brilliant tea time savoury snack :) Here are the pictures (Please excuse poor image quality) -

Gods!

I guess it was man's insecurity that he created Gods for each of his basic needs. Someone who could look after his necessities endlessly and ensure that man always had everything. Rain God, Air God, Water God, Sun God, Food Goddess, Power Goddess and the list goes on.

Internet has rightfully become one of the basic needs for most people today. Isn't it time to have an Internet God to keep away interruptions in connectivity?

An Italian Meal

The night of India's world cup win, I cooked an Italian meal to celebrate :) The food turned out to be quite good & I shall now on records - be able to produce a 3 course Italian dinner with confidence in future :)
Here is a quick recap of my recipes and pictures of the food. I took pictures of food during various stages of preparation as well, but I guess that would make the post too long!

Starters - Garlic Butter Bruschetta with Salsa and Mint


Ingredients -
1 stick of bread
50gm butter
1 tea spoon garlic paste
Sprinkle of dried herbs
Optional - cheese
For Salsa:
1 Fresh tomato
1/2 Red Onion
2 table spoons Sweet Corn
1 table spoon vinegar
1 table spoon chopped mint (fresh or dried)
Salt and Pepper to taste

Recipe -

1.Slice the bread diagonally into 1 inch thick slices
2. Soften the butter in microwave, mix the garlic paste and dried herbs into the butter until well combined
3. Spread a layer of the garlic butter on the slices, keep aside
4. Chop Onion and Tomato, add sweet corn, vinegar, chopped mint, salt and pepper
5. 15 min before due to serve, put the sliced bread in oven at 180 for approx 15 min (until golden and edges are crispy)
6. Cover slices with the salsa (top with some cheese for variation)

Mains - Roasted Veggie Lasagna


Ingredients -
For the pasta:
6-9 Lasagna sheets
5 Closed Cup Mushrooms
1-2 Courgettes
1 Pepper
1/2 White Onion
2-3 table spoons Sweet Corn
For the White Sauce:
75gm Butter
75gm Plain Flour
500ml Milk
Salt & Pepper
For the Tomato Sauce (It is readily available in super markets, you might want to save yourself the trouble)
1 can of Chopped Tomatoes
2 White onions - diced
2-3 cloves of Garlic - crushed
1 table spoon dried mix herbs (Thyme/Oregano/Basil)
2-3 tea spoons Vegetable Oil (go for Olive if you have!)

Recipe -
(Note: The sauces can be made well in advance and stored in the fridge)

White Sauce -
1. Melt the butter in a sauce pan, as the butter starts bubbling, add the flour
2. Stir continuously till the flour and butter comes together and leaves the sides of the pan
3. Add the milk, a little at a time and keep whisking, gradually the milk and flour will come together to make a paste, add more milk if needed
4. Keep whisking till the mixture is smooth and the consistency of ketch up and the milk has boiled, add salt and pepper
5. Keep aside to cool

Tomato sauce -
1. In a heated pan, add oil, garlic and onion, cook until golden and soft
2. Add the chopped tomatoes and cook until the mixture starts to bubble (15-20 minutes on low heat)
3. Add salt and pepper (you could also add some vinegar & sugar at this point to make it slightly sweet and sour)
4. Let the mixture cool, then whiz it in a blender (not needed if you have an ill equipped kitchen like mine or to put a posh label - would prefer rustic chunky sauce ;))
5. Mix in the dried herbs, taste, add more salt/pepper if needed.
6. Keep aside

Roasted Veggies -
1. Thinly slice the courgette, mushrooms and onion
2. Cut the peppers into cubes
3. Put all the veggies (including sweet corn) in a baking tin with 2 table spoons of vegetable oil, salt, pepper and sprinkle of paprika powder
4. Give everything a good mix (with your hand - it feels great! Sorry for the diversion, but when I see all the TV chefs going gaga over getting your hands into the food I used to wonder what kind of pleasure are they hinting at ;) but really, it is soothing)
5. Put in the oven for 25 min at 180-200

Pasta and the assembly -
1. In a broad pan heat water with a pinch of salt
2. Place one sheet of lasagna at a time and cook until the pasta is soft and semi cooked - usually 4-5 min a sheet (You can place more than 1 sheet at a time but they shouldn't overlap - otherwise they just stick to each other and difficult to get them apart without tearing)
3. Oil the lasagna dish (any oven proof square dish)
4. Spoon in the roasted veggies, top up with a generous layer of tomato sauce
5. Cover completely with a layer of pasta sheets (can overlap now)
6. Spread a layer of white sauce (don't be stingy, I was!)
7. Repeat the layers of veggies, sauces and pasta until you finish (remember the pasta has to be topped with white sauce in the end)
8. Cover the top layer of pasta with white sauce
9. Sprinkle with your choice of cheese (opportunity to be creative)
10. Bake at 200 for 45 min until the cheese is bubbly and coloured

Dessert - Mixed Fruit Flan


This was a last minute change from a more Italian coffee based dessert, as I felt I had enough to do already! Some day I will post the recipe for my original choice too.
(I cheated here - didn't bake my own flan base, but if you have the time at hand and appropriate baking equipment, and don't mind using raw eggs, please do :P)


Ingredients -
2 bananas
1 Melon
100gm grapes
100gm cherries
1 Mango
1 Flan case
300ml Whipping cream
1 tea spoon Vanilla essence
5 tea spoons Sugar

Recipe -
1. Prepare all your fruits by cutting them into equal size cubes (or get a bag of frozen fruits ;))
2. Add vanilla essence and sugar to cream and whisk until fluffy and doesn't drop from an upside down spoon (took me half an hour by hand!)
3. Spread a thin layer of cream on the flan case, sprinkle the fruits over
4. Spread over another layer of cream in the centre and top it up with some decorative fruits
5. Cool until to be served!

1 satisfied cook, 2 satisfied guests, 3 satisfying courses :) :) :)

India United!

Team India lifted the Cricket World Cup after almost 3 decades. The entire nation has not stopped celebrating since the last shot of MS Dhoni. 1.2 bn people are united in a joy that in only coloured by team spirit. Strangers on the street are dancing and exchanging sweets. Neighbours in cosmos who had never spoken beyond a Hello are hugging each other. These scenes of an ecstatic crowd brings tears to my eyes.
The sounds of Vande Matram playing in the stadium, the common man idol worship of Sachin Tendulkar by his team mates, the flow of emotions on the ground - makes me believe that sports can still do it. Thanks to the Greeks who thought of community gaming events :)

Nothing can be 'overdone' while celebrating this dream come true for India. But one thing which struck me was an announcement by BCCI of giving away 1cr each to the 15 player squad and 50L each to a 12 member support staff, and this is just a beginning. Monetary rewards by the government would continue to come in I am sure. By the way of commercialisation Cricket is one game in India where players are financially strong and stable. Perhaps we could have used this money in a better way, for a better cause.

I wish Indian soldiers and their families didn't have to spend years doing the paper work to get their meagre sums of rewards. But I wont let this thought dampen my high spirits!!

So well done team India - We are super proud of you!

PS: Special mention to Gautam Gambhir for dedicating the win to Indian forces. He was very correct in pointing out - a cricketing win makes an ordinary man as well as a soldier very happy :)

I have been a busy cook this month

Ended last month with -



A week in advance of the pan cakes days - pancakes served with shredded dark chocolate and clementine syrup!

March started with profiteroles -

Choux pastry buns baked & filled with whipped cream and dipped in chocolate sauce - yummy!!
(without eggs)

Then came St. Patrick's Day - the patron saint of Ireland.

So I baked some Irish Soda Bread, and I am happy that it was pretty popular at work :)

It is Holi time now :) Though I wanted to make some gujiyas but settled for something less elaborate - namkeen mathri & shakkar pare.

The best complement I have got for my cooking in recent times - "I have come to cook like my badimum" :) :) :)

It is spring time, cheers to everyone!

Helter-Skelter!

Helter-skelter is the word which describes this month so far for me. I opened the 'new post' tab a couple of times, and once even started typing a post but couldn't go beyond a couple of lines. Throughout this week though, I had the awareness that this would be my last weekend to get an entry for February! So here I am, trying to recap what all happened this frantic Feb.

It started with a topsy turvy weekend. Saturday made me feel rubbish & crap. The feeling was strong enough to make come to this place but the day rushed into another one and the context was lost. In fact I am glad that I didn't get the time to put everything I felt/thought down because it would have made me that tiny bit more bitter while writing it (unconsciously reliving the incidents) and many times more by reading the entry. This has made me realise that forgetting voids forgive, so - 'Forget' alone works really well :)
Sunday was a complete contrast - I had a lovely day out. There is nothing like being let loose in London! It was great fun - met some good people, went to interesting places (Harrods!), had hearty meals and laughed quite a bit :) It was a first of its kind day for me. I often go to these spots; sometimes alone, at other times in company of all sorts of people. I think being in company of short stay people who want to take as much of London as they can back with them suddenly made me wake up to the London craze once again :) Inspiring!

The following couple of weeks just whirled by. Weekdays were busy/crazy at work. I do not quite qualify to be a workaholic yet, but I do enjoy being busy at work. It drives me mad when I have to fiddle away time at work because I am waiting on someone before I can make a start. This delay & my own indecision made days at work insufferable. I felt guilty and angry with myself all through. I think my negative energy comes out more evidently than my positive energy. This can make things so sour with colleagues :( I am still a rookie at keeping poise. Miles to go before my 'Miss Congeniality' crown!!
Weekends were practically spent at BR with (many)delicious meals, lovely desserts and gossip along with party preps. Really rushed days yet enjoyable (mostly!).

Then came the week I had been waiting for. I got my 'promoted' at work with a not so gratifying raise. But this wasn't the highlight. The reason to celebrate was dampened by a not-welcome news. (This is exactly what I meant by having to feel the emotions again & since this isn't forgotten - it hurts) So I am not going to elaborate. Just that life moves on - fingers crossed - for bigger, better things.

I was at home today mostly talking to so many people :) I spoke to more than a dozen of relatives & friends. My sweetest little brother so innocently asked me to come over for a longer holiday - it just brought tears to my eyes. I mean he just wants me to come for me - not why my parents want - to get me married, not why my sister wants - to get me a job in India but just because he wants to spend time with me. Love you kiddo :') Thank you so much for being my brother - you are the best! God bless you. In the evening, I got some great news from one of my friends which gave me such a pleasant feeling that I cant simply call it happiness. (touch wood - yeah I am a bit finicky about these!)

There is still a Monday to go in the month about which I am pretty apprehensive, given that how it has gone so far! But Insha Allah - end will be well :)

A new recipe

I started out with 2 cans of chick peas and then decided to rustle up a recipe with complety different ingredients :)

Today I cooked black lentils (sabut masoor) with red kidney beans in an adaptation of dal makhni. First, I diced the onions (I wish I had a food processor to have made it even finer) and stir fried it in a couple of table spoons of oil with cumin seeds.
I had to let it cook on gas mark 4 slowly for about 20 minutes until all of it was evenly golden-translucent.

Then added canned chopped tomatoes in juice and half a cup of tomatoes and left it to simmer for another 15-20 minutes (or until the water evaporated and the gravy thickened).

In the mean while I pressure cooked the kindey beans and lentils so that they are soft and mushy.

Next, in a separate pan I heated another couple of table spoons of oil. Then put in cloves, bay leaves, cumin, turmeric, chilli powder, coriander powder and some cinnamon sticks. Once the spices were fried/roasted I added the cooked lentils and beans and mixed in with the gravy prepared earlier.

At this stage one could add yogurt or creame to make it 'makhni' but I chose not to.
Again I left the whole thing to cook for another 20 minutes (while I did the dishes!!)

Once the heat was off I added some garam masala and lime juice before pouring it in the container.

Yummy!

The Sunday ritual - An ode to Tesco

In last year or so I have come to realise, there is only 1 constant to my weekends - a trip to the market. Luckily I got some time to read this Sunday and when I came across the following passage, I couldn't help but share it as it reflects so much of my own thought process.

Here is an excerpt from Salmon fishing in the Yemen by Paul Torday -

"We have moved on from religion.
Instead of going to the church, which would never occur to us, Mary and I go to Tesco together on Sundays. At least, that is what we did when she still lived in London. We never have time to shop during the week and Saturdays are too busy. But on Sunday our local Tesco is just quiet enough to get around without being hit in the ankles all the time by other people's shopping carts
We take our time wheeling the shiopping card around the vast cavern, goggling at the flatscreen TVs we cannot afford, occassionaly tossing in a luxury into the trolley that we can afford but not justify.
I suppose shopping in Tesco on Sunday morning is in itself a sort of meditative experience: in some way a shared moment with hundreds of other shippers all wheeling their shopping carts, and a shared moment with Mary, come to that. Most people I see shopping on Sunday morning have that peaceful, dreamy expression on their faces that I know is on ours. That is our Sunday ritual."

Apart from the fact that I am on my own when in Tesco's I think I really identify the dreamy, peaceful part of a pushing a trolley down an aisle of canned vegetables and frozen foods :)

Yay!

I am so happy, finally after more than a year, I managed to clear ITIL V3 foundation certificate exam!
It is really nothing much to be scared of. And the V3 foundation pack is more than sufficient to answer the questions.

Thanks God :)

A New Year

A new year, a change of a number - cause for celebration? Well may be. If this means end to a rather traumatic indecisive and emotionally unbalanced year. Then yes, starting a new year does call for some notice.

Apart from the fact that it means end of holidays and going back to old routine it has not really brought any good cheer.

But lets flow in the spirit a bit - I did take a new year resolution - to be lesser of a lazy bum!! I am going to get up, when I first think of getting up rather than lying in for hours. I am going to try to cook normal food more regularly and I am going to try and be good at work.

I rarely think about my own future, as I am so scared of the unknown. But for the year 2011 - Please God. Bless me!

Books 2010

What I read between leaving school and finishing Masters could be put down mostly Harry Potters. The school library and its wonderful custodian encouraged me to read in the first place & I am ever so grateful for that. Getting into the mindless cramming of engineering books and numerous exams every 6 months after leaving school pretty much ensured that I gave up on reading almost all together.

Between 2007 and early 2009 I can see long gaps and Ayn Rand. In autumn 2009 I had no internet for a week & this pulled me back into reading :) A Suitable Boy was one of the epics I read that year. There were a few more and I was once again actively reading. I decided to keep a list of books I read in 2010. When I had started with the list, I was only trying to keep a count. But as December neared, I found myself trying to add as many more as I could. However, as it turned out - I couldn't do any last minute reading and book number 15 - A Passage to India was read on my flights home in late October.

15. A Passage to India - EM Forsters
14. Paths of Glory - Jeffery Archer
13. Nice Works - David Lodge
12. Breakfast at Tiffany's - Truman Capote
11. Midnight's Children - Salman Rushdie
10. Amsterdam - Ian McEwan
9. Aunt's aren't Gentlemen - PG Wodehouse
8. The Sea - John Banville
7. Home Truths - David Lodge
6. The Impressionist - Hari Kunzru
5. A Small Island – Andrea Levy
4. An Artist of the Floating World – Kuzuo Ishiguro
3. Web of Silk and Gold – Shakti Niranjchana
2. Brick Lane – Monica Ali
1. Department of Denials - Anurag Mathur

Favourites - Midnight's Children, A Passage to India (adds to my rather short list of re-readables)

Some light, some heavy, some funny, some tragic but all good enough to take me to a magic land where reality is not admitted.

Christmas Baking

Christmas break at work starts tomorrorw. And after a week of cold and headaches I finally got into the spirit of Christmas. So I baked a choco-coffee cake. It turned out pretty good in taste and look but lacked the texture of a cake i.e. even though it is soft like sponge, it is not really bubbly inside :(
After this non bubly cake I have realisd the importance of an electric whisk (when buttering the sugar, I was thinking to myself - I can do this pretty well by hand who needs a whisk). Now I think people know what I want for Christmas!

I had big plans of making an icing and decorating with nuts and choco chips but as the cake gave me some trouble coming out of the tin, I just finished it for namesake. I have cut it into squares which look like irregular chocolate brownies - a bit underdone. I plan to take a few to office for my team but not sure if it would be appreciated. After all in England every one bakes, making me such a rookie!

Enough cribbing about the cake, lets put the bubbles aside and cheer the good taste :)
Here are some pictures in reverse order of appearance!

Music!

Not until long ago, I was not a music person at all. In fact, at times I felt inadequate in company of some great music lovers who would discuss bands/music/tracks/singers. I wondered to myself this couldn't be something one claims to live by. Books I understand as they keep one occupied. But listening to music - as a hobby left me bewildered. Isn't hobby something one likes to do.
Lately however, this utter surprise towards music has melted into something more acceptable. But still music for me remains something very much in the background. I dont think so I can just play songs and sit by for hours. But I surely appreciate some random tracks playing in the background while I am in the kitchen :)
Thanks to SSS I have got a folder of 55 random (Eng/Hindi/OST/Pop etc) songs. As names of most songs here are random alphabetical strings, it is often a pure surprise when the song plays :) I have transferred some of these to my phone, but the rest have been rarely played. While trying to organise my 2.14GB of music, I came across this one from the SSS folder. Really liked the soft & optimistic feel of the song :)Thanks SSS for introducing me to music and many more such lovely songs!

Raindrops keep fallin' on my head

And just like the guy whose feet are too big for his bed

Nothin' seems to fit

Those raindrops are fallin' on my head, they keep fallin'

So I just did me some talkin' to the sun

And I said I didn't like the way he got things done

Sleepin' on the job

Those raindrops are fallin' on my head, they keep fallin'

But there's one thing I know

The blues they send to meet me won't defeat me

It won't be long till happiness steps up to greet me

Raindrops keep fallin' on my head

But that doesn't mean my eyes will soon be turnin' red

Cryin's not for me

'Cause I'm never gonna stop the rain by complainin'

Because I'm free

Nothin's worryin' me

& I meet HP in the UK

Last night I watched HP 7. Finally. I know it is obvious but I need to state it - I watched it in a theatre :)
Enjoyed the movie thoroughly and as always when the credits started rolling I was craving for more. Even though it is the longest Potter movie yet, but I felt it finished too soon, but that could be just my Potter mania.
Apart from the movie itself, the experience itself was fun too. Random person at office offered a late evening show & before I could mull over it, I said Yes :)
Later, I bothered to ask who else was joining and found out that there was going to be just 1 another random person. I felt like withdrawing for some minutes but then I thought, I have been considering watching it on my own, then why do I care about (in)adequate company. As it turned out another person from work (friend/colleague) also joined later :)
The cinema hall we went to is like a projector show in a village category in terms of screen/seating. If you are used to plush Indian cinemas then this would be highly disappointing. The screen was smaller than my room's wall and there were hardly 50 seats. The sound/heating wasnt great & we sat in our coats. But at least it was bigger than my lap top screen! There were mostly children in the crowd, even though it was a late show at 7.45 in the evening.
It had been a while since I last did/read/watched anything related to HP. The movie charmed me back into the world of wizards and witches or horocruxes and hallows. I noticed there were very few of fellow Hogwarts students in the movie, but for the scenes they were in - all of them looked beautiful/handsome young adults. Specially liked Luna Lovegood's costume. It was nice to recognise places in the UK :)
Having read the book long ago, the movie also had some surprises for me. Like when HH leave Ron behind on their search I was worried how will Ron reunite with them :) Overall, as all movies preceeding this one - it does justice to both JKR's imagination and narration.
However unreal/illogical/kiddish it may sound to some people, Harry Potter series is so popular across age & gender because we see characters in the movies doing things we would want to do ourselves only if it were possible. It translates what we wish for, into what we see on the screen. Innumerable times, I find myself wishing for an invisibility cloak. So many times I hear people talking about turning time back. And almost each one of us wishes to 'reach someone in the blink of an eye' once a day (apparate)!

To add to the fun - the person sitting next to me was a Potter virgin (cheesy I know, but it just fits :D) And I had to explain things to him like 'erasing memory', 'poly juice potion' and 'Ministry of Magic' :) He was so amused by my factual explanations that we couldn't stop laughing. I must confess - there were times when I joined him in making fun of the Potter logic. For some scenes between Harry & Hermoine after Ron is splinched, which we thought was desperately 'Bollywoodish' we even spoke the dilogues had it been a Hindi movie/soap - It was hilarious!!

Good fun it was :)

Hazaaron khwahishein aisi...

This is a Ghalib ghazal, and I dont claim to have the entire original version of it here. But lately, this has become quite an accurate and succint description of my life.

Hazaaron khwahishein aisi
ki har khwahish pe dum nikle
bahut nikle mere armaan lekin
phir bhi kam nikle

nikalna khuld se aadam ka
sunte aaye hain lekin
bahut be-aabru hokar
tere kuuche se hum nikle

kahaan maikhaane ka darwaaza "ghalib"
aur kahaan waeez
par itna jaante hain
kal wo jaata tha ki hum nikle

I dont understand much poetry, but I read through an English translation of this one. I realised while the original poem questions the sincerity of the beloved, I am questioning my own.

Chocolate and Almond Biscuits

This weekend has been busier in the kitchen than most. Today I baked some almond and chocolate biscuits. I had told D at work that I am going to try my hand at profiteroles but just couldn't get myself out of bed.
A quick chat with A motivated me to after all give up the comfort of my warm and cozy bed :)
My biscuits didn't turn out the perfect shape - but that was because I couldn't resist taking them out from the baking tray before they cooled which caused some rough edges (Even though I know 5 minutes later I could have taken them out without any effort!!). I guess it is the thing with baking - one doesn't get to taste anything before it is out of the oven. And once it is out - Its very very difficult for me to resist.

There is forecast of light snow on Monday. My freshly baked biscuits & hot choc would make for great company!

Sweet & Sour Sticky Rice

Just a random visit to the grocers' led to this impromptu speedy recipe. I like to chop vegetables, and this recipe needed lots of them. So while the rice cooked, I enjoyed slicing away some cabbage, white onions and spring onions. Here are a few pictures.

Sunday Baking!

A special guest came over last Sunday to spend the day with me. We played with trains & aeroplanes. We drew some pictures and read some books. And as we waited for Raaghav's parents we planned a tea party for them :)
To go with the tea I baked some butter milk and raisin scones :) It was not really difficult to get them right.
Appreciation - All finished even before the kettle could go on boil!!

Carrot Puddings

I had started with the idea of making gajar ka halwa for my cousins last weekend. But on Thursday on lunch from work, I bought my first cake tin :)) So I thought it wouldnt be fair on my new cake tin to make another dessert before baking a cake in the new tin. The result:

2 Carrot desserts - one Indian - Gajar ka halwa & one English - Carrot and Banana Cake with orange zest
It didnt take long before portions started disappearing and as 2 of my flat mates said - Yummy!!

Mission ITIL

Finally, after mulling over it for more than a year, I have booked myself for ITIL V3 certification on 3/01/11. Now, I just need to get through several thousand pages of service management theory to get the requisite 65% to clear the exam!!

It is my christmas gift/challenge to myself. If I clear the certification it would be some sort of achievement for me (in quite some time). Also, I find it comforting to have short term goals in sight.
May be I was a bit rash in paying the fee but I guess it was needed to get myself into the action mode. I hope I will remain motivated towards it till the exam.

I will update the blog about my progress. It will be a good way of telling myself what I did and what I didnt.

Any help for study material/sample papers will be much appreciated.

Good luck to me :)

What does family mean to you?

Some of the titles for blogs which I noted down during this trip were - presence of US Army in Kuwait and striking ambience of Asia. But when I saw ‘What does family mean to you’ posted on a forum, I thought it is rather relevant to my trip back home after more than a year.
I have moved out of my family home fairly recently – 3 years to be precise. However, the distance made sure that I have seen them only twice in more than 2 years.
On this trip I realised that for the time that I have been in London I have got used to being on my own. And to the idea that it is sufficient to speak/see my family over the internet. I am not ashamed of the fact that I am not homesick. I have never been the one who cries at airports or longs for reunions.
But meeting my parents, my siblings and other family members I realised that being detached with something/someone is not one way.
Even though living outside the geographical bounds of my family’s home has made me see my life as ‘mine’, they have not separated their lives from mine. Their joys, happiness, strength, emotions, grievances and everything else is still woven around all 5 of us. I share these lines from Shashank’s blog –
"For a wonderful physical tie binds the parents to the children; and - by some sad, strange irony - it does not bind us children to our parents. For if it did, if we could answer their love not with gratitude but with equal love, life would lose much of its pathos and much of its squalor, and we might be wonderfully happy." Where Angels Fear to Tread by E. M. Forster
This trip has brought back to surface the deepest bonds I had let dust in the background. And the fact that family is not about you – even if you are 100 years old or 10000 miles away – it is always about us.

Jammie Dodgers!

Starting the festive seasons with some jammie dodgers. It made me think of the gift boxes of 'assorted' biscuits exchanged on Diwali :)

Bread and Butter pudding

Whenever I see bread and butter pudding made on tv shows, I always crave to have a bite :)
Then this weekend I came around to making my own version - with banana and mixed nuts stuffing!

It is an incredibly easy to do dessert which can be made in a big batch and wow all your dinner party guests ;)
Here is a quick recap - De-crust white bread (thick) and dip in molten butter. Grease the baking dish with remaining butter. Line with bread to cover the base sprinkle some sugar and cover with sliced bananas. Throw in some finely chopped nuts and cover with remaining bread. Sprinkle some more sugar on the top.
Next mix your custard powder with boiling milk and pour over the baking dish until the bread is soaked. Sprinkle with some more sugar and bake for 20-30 min or until top bread is golden and the custard is set.
I used ready made cutard as I am yet to start cooking with eggs.

Praying

There are things that we don't want to happen but have to accept, things we
don't want to know but have to learn, and people we can't live without but have
to let go.
~Anon.

Praying for our dear friend and his family to have the strength to bear the loss.

Pear Tart

This week I got some really good crisp and sweet pears. In English cooking, they are often served as desserts - poached in spicy red wines infused with star anise, cinnamon, lemon juice, and vanilla ideally served with clotted cream or icecream.

But as I dont have access to wines yet, I thought I will go ahead with the second most popular pear dessert - pear tarts. Tarts are not really my favourite when it comes to desserts but cooking something new was motivating enough :) Here are the pictures -


This one turned out best!

I had made 4 ;)


Served with Custard

Blogging!

I am enjoying the joy of blogging once more thanks to friends who keep reintroducing me to my forgotten blog spot. I am not as keen on writing as I am on reading but having a space makes me put down my thoughts - in black and white. Sometimes it helps to clear the head and sometimes it leads to more research and at other times more analysis. Always, it gives me lasting satisfaction to have written something.

Today being the 4th consecutive weekend I have come back to write something makes me feel a little less random towards my blog. I would love to have written exceptional pieces - travelogues, reviews of movies and books or about food & cooking and culture or countries. But for now I am content with writing about myself, my moods and my cooking :)

Argh! turned into a smile :)

After a series of feel good posts (and probably weekends), this weekend I feel 'argh'.
While still at work on Friday, I was boasting to people how am I going to have a busy yet fun weekend. And it almost started that way when I left from work almost an hour earlier than usual. I happily went shopping for my small lunch-time get together on Sunday. The guests are not many but 2 or 20 it takes the same amount of preparation. Scaling is often not a problem while cooking Indian food.
But almost as soon as I reached the super market, my weekend was hijacked! First I was asked a favour which cut short my shopping. I was not all p***d off by this but only until my friend called at 7 to decide about a programme today. I know I am being finnicky but I need to know what am I going to do at least 1 day in advance so that I can plan other things!!
Now my Friday evening is gone, my Saturday is already booked (for more favours) and I am not meeting my friend cause I have got myself into a lunch which I could have happily postponed :( I am yet to do my laundry, clean my room and God knows what all work of house keeping which I had planned for Friday evening.

So nothing seems to be going the right way this weekend. Now this makes me p***d off. But what makes me more completly pissed off is that people feel that being s single woman I 'look forward' to 'demanding favours'!!

And then I spoke to Papa :) Thanks Papa for explaining it once again - "You are good on the outside, because you are good on the inside & you are good on the inside only when you are happy. So whenever you are sad, ask yourself - what am I being sad for - is it/he/she worth upsetting me? And you will end up smiling pretty quickly :)"

My version of having a day 'off'

It was one of those weekends which I had 'completely' to myself!

After work, I went to do grocery and picked up some random cooking ingredients – including red and yellow peppers and cans of kidney beans! I had some idea of what I will do with them but wasn’t sure if I will actually do any cooking this weekend.

Today I woke up only when the sunlight through the curtains became too bright. Fortunately I remembered that it was Ganesh Chaturthi so quickly got ready and did my own little puja :)

After which had a good chat at home with little brother and mum. It is always nice to talk to them, but it is even better when we talk about my upcoming holiday :) We discussed menus, trips and shopping! All this talk pepped me up and I in a drastic change of plan I decided to venture out.

I thought I will renew my books from the library while I am out. One of the books I was about to finish was Paths of Glory by Jeffery Archer. I am not really a huge fan of Archer but he does have a simplistic approach and was one of the first authors I had started to read when I joined secondary school. The book is about first ever expedition to the Mount Everest and makes a captivating read.

I finished the book in the library. It was a very satisfying experience even for half an hour, to sit amidst books and read :)

Then I carried on with my window shopping/shopping for an amazing 2 hours. It was fruitful to some extent having bought some more gifts for people back home and milk :) (I am really keen on milk - Peeyo a glass full :))

Came back home and made myself the cup of tea I was longing for since morning and watched some not so interesting series on BBC which lulled me into siesta. But just as I was about to sleep, the internet started playing games. I realised I am so addicted to its presence that I wanted it to be up and running before I slept, just in case it was still gone when I got up! So while trying to get it sorted out time for my nap was gone.

I resisted the ‘lazy me’ taking over the ‘cook me’ and got down to making my very own version of Mexican wraps :)

I also made chane ki daal, shimla mirch ki sabzi along with -

The colours just looked so good

My mini fajita breads

The filling

Presentation style #1

Presentation style #2

All this hard work is very gratifying as it means I have food to last for entire working week :)

Random thoughts about Life in London

1. You will be surprised to see how ‘Indian’ is London. There is nothing really ‘foreign’ about England.

2. Recession in the UK is reality. Companies are going bankrupt everyday and there is lot of redundancy.

3. You would consciously be spending less or at least thinking twice before spending money. The constant worry to save on the back of your mind does take away some charm of living in the UK. If your intention is to save money, there will be some constant sacrifice/struggle.

4. It gets dark very early in winters and some people find it depressing when there is so little day light.

5. Some theatres show Hindi movies and there are plenty of Indian shops around. Even there are temples to go and celebrate the festivals.

6. There will be no maid and you will have to do all your work on your own, from washing clothes and dishes to ironing clothes to cleaning the house and even toilet (or worse clean a toilet which you would share with 4 other people!).

7. Regarding work culture – Office timings are quite strict, while at work people are not expected to attend to personal phone calls, or take days off unless sick.

8. There are no holidays during the year except 4-5 official offs. You will get 20 days of annual leave which you can avail for your once a year India trip.

9. It may seem that for some initial period you follow a very dull routine of work-home-work but as you begin to settle down you will find more things to do and enjoy your time here.

10. Transport For London is fantastic.

Stereotype

Lately, courtesy 'facebook' I have come across numerous stand-up comedy videos where the act is centered around stereotyping nationalities, colour, religion, professions etc. One of the very first I saw was of Russel Peter a Canadian-Indian who managed to crack the audience up with his imitation and interpretation of the stereotyping Indians face in Canada. He didn't mind using himself as the butt of these jokes and I was slightly surprised at how he could joke about things so close to home. But then I came across more comedians from various 'coloured' parts of the world making fun of going through additional security checks, being addressed rudely and being the keepers of WMD (Weapons of Mass Destruction) with panache. Middle Eastern comedians keen on showing to the world that their world is no longer Alladin's Arabia, Africans going beyond Rap about their accent and Indian crowds cheering to jokes about their children excelling at schools.

Quite unexpectedly I too, saw the humour and the purpose behind these shows. The genuine eagerness to show the rest of the world hidden facets of these 'infamous' countries. I was all for the cause eventually. And then I came across a news piece accompanied by a disturbing video of 2 teenagers being beaten to death in Pakistan while being watched by police. There were people who made videos, but none to stop the killing. Ironically, just before that I was watching a talk by Maz Jobrani (TED Talks) who with his group is on a mission to present to the world the positives of Middle East and is effectively leading a crusade against stereotyping.

Even though, I try my best to not to classify people because of their colour, geography or religion I found it really difficult to resist the mob-mentality of brutality being nurtured at our door step. In the 21st century, if an entire city did nothing but watch 2 young men being beaten to death in the most barabaric fashion and later hung as if dead animals, I could not but make generalisations. Apart from civilians who preferred making videos to post on youtube, there were armed policemen who simply took the 'best view' positions around the scene. If the police force of a country does not seem to think it was their duty to stop the violence what can one expect from the people at large?
And I am not talking about individuals, or even a dozen, there was a mob almost the size of a cinema audience. Not one of them felt the urge to stop it??

I may take a step back from my mental refinement, but very unfortunately it really made me re-think about the origins of stereotypes and that of 'popular belief'. Kudos to people like Maz Jobrani but incidents like this just keep letting them down. Again and again, breathing life to more security checks and more mistrust.

English Pancakes

Mostly when I cook, it is on an impulse - not of eating or hunger but of trying it out and being able to do something that I have not done before. That is why I find cooking for meals so boring - same old menu repeated over the week with slight variations. It is just not motivating enough for me to get myself to the kitchen to cook something which I already know exactly how it would turn out.


Crepe and Pancakes share almost the same batter in terms of ingredients. Whilst Crepes are said to be French, Pancakes are more English traditionally and lately American. But for political reasons and 'FOOD HONOURS' neither side would concede to this :D
Last month (when it was summer [sigh!]) I had gone to Brighton, a beach city along the SE coast of England. It is famous for it's full-of-amusement piers. There I had a super quick crepe recipe which just lingered on at the back of my mind.

The mystery batter was spread over a non-stick pan thinned out with a ladle, with a little amount of butter round the circle. It was left to brown for 20-30 sec only on one side. Then folded into halves still on the pan to make a quarter. Inside this cone/quarter we could fill chocolate syrup, whipped cream, bananas or even savoury ingredients such as minced meat.

The simplicity and taste of it made sure it appeared on my things-to-try-to-cook list. And the fact that this weekend, I had almost 2 pints of milk to use by this Monday finally resulted in the experiment ;)
I made mine without any egg, adding half a teaspoon of baking soda as a replacement (to give the fluffy texture).

Some of them did stick to the pan but eventually they started to come off smooth :) I cant wait to get to the market for some double cream (gluttony!!)and try the beach recipe by my window from where I see not much water down below but lots of watery clouds above! (After all, its English August)

Choco Chips Cookies

So this is cooking :)
I made a batch of almost 4 dozen, and they were gone before the week ended!
Looking forward to bake some to take home.

The Road Not Taken

TWO roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.

Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,

I doubted if I should ever come back.
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,

And that has made all the difference.

by Robert Frost

Sorry to all those I owed it.

Thank you mum, where ever I go from here I will know that a mother's love has no bounds.I owe you a lot mum, a lot more than I will ever be able to say.
I plead, let me live the life you have given me.

Thank you Mark

Invictus

Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the Pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds, and shall find, me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll.
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.

William Ernest Henley

Regards, Mark

Chocolate Brownie/Cake!

Easter baking :)

Time to open my eyes

Closing eyes doesn't make things disappear, they stay there to be more hurtful next time. It's been a long time that I started doing this. Whenever I have a conversation about things I don't want to think about or be questioned about I simply make myself forget that it ever happened. Living more than 7000 miles away from family surely helps. May be it is abusing the privilege of distance. I consciously replace the thought process by watching a cookery show or cooking or reading a book or going for a stroll or anything at all. It works every time; almost to perfection. This is so much easier when I don't have to breathe in the atmosphere pregnant with annoyance and allegations. There is no one around to push me back into it. It is indeed very convenient. But dangerous, I realised today. It makes you leave things unsorted, pending, piling up to strike back when you are least prepared - when you had comfortably forgotten about it.

So today I decided to take stock of the situation. I should not cave in, even if parts of me see it as the easier option out. But I wont, I cant let myself down by giving up without the fight I deserve. There are times when things work in your favour and times when they don't. It's quite easy to feel great about yourself when things fall in place and let the good times get to your head. That's exactly what happened. For last year and a half, things were working out, mind you I am not throwing away the credit to destiny, it was my hard work & good times made it pay. But I guess it's time to put on the fighting suit on once more, for a tougher, longer, more critical battle with circumstances not exactly on my side.