Phew!

Making decisions is such a taxing activity for me. May be its something to do with the fact that I am Libran :)
A little after I finished school I have always been so apprehensive of my own decisions. It is such a contradiction of my "nature" or my "personality". I claim to be an independent soul quite untied to many of the conventional posts in life. But when it comes to taking decisions I am such a mumble fumble. I wish if somebody could decide (of course with my consent) for me and take the "associated risks" away from me.

I wonder if all of us look for a sanction of the decisions from those who surround us even if they do not make an impact on our lives? If deciding a dissertation project could be such a torture I wonder what could bigger decisions do to me.

For now I am happy its over :) Good or bad..it was mine. I have 60 days to justify my pick, I hope to beat the deadline. I hope to replace the bad after taste of decision making that lingers from past by the aroma of success :)

Is it too much too much to ask for?

I feel better :)

I had one of the most memorable Sundays in Manchester, The Sunday service, the China town trip, the incessant snow (The longest in Manchester - hasnt stopped in 24 hours), the Indo-Chinese dinner..Wonderful !

May be this time I started on the right note. 

Classes start tomorrow, I dont think that is fair - Gimme a break!! Never mind though..I need to learn to have fun @ work (Sounds so corporate ;) ) 

Do we have a choice to start over again?

I believe its only glamorous film stars who claim that "Even if given a chance to start all over again, I would still live the same life". Most of us, (OK no generalisations) I have a tinge to do several or most parts of my life again. Does this reflect remorse? Guilt? Ambitions? lack of faith? Or the desperation to set things right. Call it what you may but I want a Take 2. 

There are plenty of relationships to correct. I guess I have always been a little too intolerant in relations and/or lacked the effort to make it work. I get suffocated too soon, and this has cost me more than I could bargain for. Instead of space I end up with distance. I want a second chance at all of them. I want to shape them again, to be able to justify them. At some point or other I have failed the most important people in my life, I want to make it up. Could "oblivious" work for me? I wish it could. There is a lot to be erased and a lot to be written. Conversations that end up being dead arguments, misunderstandings and presumptions..I need to Cntrl + Z.

There are plenty of opportunities I feel I closed my doors on, right in their face. Messing up with the pre-graduation aspirations, something which led to some of the most dramatic events of my life both - in terms of what could be and what it came to be. If I were to blame destiny for the turn of events then probably this phase of my life was written by Satan himself. But I don't blame a bad author for my mistakes. The irreparable damage cannot be patched. It needs to be re-done. History repeats until deliberately made otherwise. I goofed up at the time of graduation as well. Making the easy choices is never the easy way out. Too late for the gyan though. 

Today its another world, another story but the damage has not been healed. Can I hope for a fresh start as I end this phase? Please? Can you ever shrug your past off the shoulders? Can you make people forget? Can you? How?? I need a re-start. I want to end this session. I want to start on a clean slate - with everyone. I want a Take 2.

Are there greater joys? Or smaller ones?

Back to being a student...

I hate exams, even if that's a strong word. The following seem to simply lose relevance when you need to burn bottles of oil in the night lamp. As a matter of fact I did not think many of these as 'moments' until I started typing.

1. To know that you are studying for your last exam.
2. To plan the after exam party.
3. Seeing your lucky charm on the way to exam hall ( remember the aeroplanes guys? :) )
4. Seeing the questions you had prepared for in the question paper.
5. A sympathetic smile from the invigilator.
6. Seeing missed calls of your dear ones in the 2 hours of exams.
7. Writing the conclusion for the last answer and still seeing 5 minutes to go.
8. The last bell.
9. To discuss a doubtful answer and having it done right. (Yessss!)
10. To get a call from home ASAP.
11. Not having bread / cornflakes / Maggi for a meal after days together!

In no particular order of ranking.

After thought - Why do I realise this midway through my exams?

When it snows..

 It looks so heavenly..without any noise..in the silence of midnight..soft flakes just making everything so white..

Googling for life !

Suffering from "Online streaming"

Welcome to Sajjanpur
A Wednesday
Rock on
Golmal returns
Dostana
Kungfu panda
Sorry Bhai
Oye Lucky
Dasvidaniya
Jane tu ya jane na

There must have been more..I am losing count..I have watched more movies in 2 months at Manchester than all my adult life put together :) Cheers to Indian film industry for churning out more movies (most crappy) out every Friday !!

10 Things I need to do - ASAP!

1. Time management
2. Think less
3. Do more
4. Concentrate
5. Be good
6. Talk less
7. Enjoy cooking
8. Start eating eggs
9. Make a schedule
10. Start STUDYING

and to do this without whining...

Days that follow...

The Mumbai terror strike has shattered my thought process. I spent 16 hours watching live video from the Taj of the Operation Cyclone, unable to shut down the system.

I wish I could write something comprehensive about the attacks and the aftermath. I wish I could invoke some thinking in all of us who are beginning to get immune to terrorism. But I am too disturbed. My thoughts are fragments of fear and anger. I am not able to make sense of the situation. Here is a series of thoughts that are haunting me for more than 70 hours now.

Why do we have to wait until the terrorists attack us? I salute to the NSG, the Army, the Police force, the Fire fighters and each individual who braved this situation for their courage and sheer grit. We have the capabilities. Let us take them from the front. Kill the bastards before they can do the damage.

Who is behind these attacks? The brain who knew that the operation could last for days, the brain who knew the Taj was vulnerable, the brain who could foresee the economic implications, the brain who could poison brains of 10 SOBs, the brain who is against India to this extent. Who is he? Certainly not a group of amateur individuals, then who?

Who is funding them? Who is supplying the ammunition? Where are they getting trained?

I have spent years conveniently thinking that the blasts are a Hindu Muslim rivalry. This is not religious. It is Anti-India. This comes from outside. But who is foolish enough to hallucinate India’s destruction? A country of billions, we will rise and shine come what may.

Scaring away foreigners from India? Cutting down on its investment options? Spreading insecurity among businesses world wide? Who can be benefited from such consequences?

What is wrong with the neighbours? Why are they turning a blind eye to it? Are the leaders so short sighted that they don’t see the fire spreading across?

How come 3 senior officials got killed so early on in the operation? Did we underestimate?

Are the politicians for once going to take their jobs seriously? Is it not tragic enough for them to still play silly and dirty party politics?

I hate to admit, but as I sit separated from my family by thousands of kilometres I feel scared. I feel the heat and the danger they are in.

When is the terrorism going to stop? What is the goal of such inhumane acts? What is going wrong – each time – all the time?

A year I wish was different

India is hit again, right where it hurts most. This blog is not a piece of writing, it is just a reaction. So please excuse the grammar, punctuations, spellings and all other usual tenets of the English language.
The blasts in Mumbai or rather the planned terrorist activities – hostage, firings, bomb blasts and the fire..the live videos, photographs and news articles..they all send a chill down my spine as I gather news over the internet far away in U.K. Silly as it may seem but I feel scared sitting in room. It is like our country has entered a state of continuous war – with the worst enemies ever.

I am not trying to get the facts right – but 2008 might have been the worst year in terrorist history in India. Series of blasts, one after another are shaking the country.

Mumbai, Nov 26, 2008: Several killed and many more injured in seven terror attacks targetting mostly foreigners' hangout places.
Assam, Oct 30, 2008: At least 45 killed (figure can change) and over 100 injured in 18 terror bombings across Assam.
Imphal, Oct 21, 2008: 17 killed in a powerful blast near Manipur Police Commando complex. Kanpur, Oct 14, 2008: Eight people injured after bomb planted on a rented bicycle went off Colonelganj market.
Malegaon, Maharashtra, Sep 29, 2008: Five people died after a bomb kept in a motorbike went off in a crowded market.
Modasa, Gujarat, Sep 29 2008: One killed and several injured after a low-intensity bomb kept on a motorcycle went off near a mosque.
New Delhi, Sep 27, 2008: Three people killed after a crude bomb was thrown in a busy market in Mehrauli.
New Delhi, Sep 13, 2008: 26 people killed in six blasts across the city.
Ahmedabad, July 26, 2008: 57 people killed after 20-odd synchronised bombs went off within less than two hours.
Bangalore, July 25, 2008: One person killed in a low-intensity bomb explosion.
Jaipur, May 13, 2008: 68 people killed in serial bombings.
Nov. 26, 2008: Series of shooting and grenade attacks, including two on luxury hotels, kill at least 78 people and wound 100 in Mumbai, India's main commercial city.

(Reference: Statistics from Times of India website)

I don’t know why or I don’t know how but I do know that the criminals who do this are hitting hard. ATS Chief? Are they the insiders? To come this close?

I urge the popliticians of this great country to treat the present as a time of crisis, to make terrorism common agenda. To think of the country – just this once. Think a little beyond the vote banks and the swiss accounts. For just this once think of the citizens who are not sure if they are coming back from office in the evening..think of the citizens who are paying the price of it. Think beyond your Z level security and bullet proof cars. Think of the commoner and ACT.

And I urge the media to co-operate. To take this accident not as an opportunity of sensational news but to be a tool to the government. Spread awareness, run help lines, collect funds, make forums. Use your power to integrate our country, so that we can fight them out of this nation as a united force.

"The joy of life lies in nature's beauty and preserving it is our sacred duty"

As we make way through the twenty-first century with amazing speed simple joys of life become complex activities.

“The really happy person is one who can enjoy the simple scenery abound in nature.”—Unknown

These words though from an unknown source are invaluable for those of us who realise that in our quest of moving ahead we are leaving behind the truest of all joys – the joy of nature. What do you think are the joys of life? The thrill of winning a well played game, listening to a piece of well written music, or immersing yourself into an immaculate work of art?
All these and I am sure many more can be simulated within the comfort of our concrete walls with the help of some hi-fi instruments. But that’s the whole point – it will always be a simulation; a second hand experience.

Human kind has started seeking joys from such man made devices. They or rather I should say we are seeking solace and company from our computers and mobile phones. Children today are living an artificial life through computer programs. The joy of playing in a park with wet grass tickling your feet and dust rising in the air can not be duplicated by dummy software with graphics and sound effects.

We listen to techno music – digitally made but never make an attempt to listen to the musical chirping of birds at sun rise or the melodious sound of water in a river. The elation one feels on being connected to the nature around is incomparable to a set of headphones blaring out the music.

We create art using high resolution photo shops, but have you ever paused to enjoy the perfect spread of colours at a sunset? Or the magical colours of butterflies and flowers? Isn’t it simply marvellous?

As the age old saying goes – its better late than never. People are sitting up and taking notice of the fast depleting natural sources around them. Now it’s the duty of students like us who are aware of need of the hour to take the lead. We are all obliged to serve nature – just in the way we are towards our parents for providing us with all our needs.
We have already lost a lot of time in realising this, now is the time for action. We are still lucky enough to see grass and birds, trees and animals around us, but this may not last long enough for the coming generations. So, I will conclude with two lines –

Preserve now and save for future,
The joys of Mother Nature.

Manchester United – The glam game!

So I get a taste of part time work :) I am happy about it – so far so good. They say it was not a big game – there was hardly anybody around. Definitely a good day for debut, I could learn at my own pace :) I hope to get paid for this one so that I can decide whether I will be going to other matches or not. I met some people at the kiosk and they were all good with me :) One thing to note – none of them was a Brit.

Rene – the kiosk in charge is Greek I think, she was as all TLs are – uneasy under the crown. But she was at least not snubbing people around.

Louis – was like me; an assistant but he had been working 3 weeks so he knew a lot of stuff. He is from Portugal and did the same course as me, but the bad news is he is still hunting for a job. Anyways he was really warm and helpful. He really made me comfortable.

Rohit – An Indian with family in Manchester. He is a first year undergrad. He was good too; smiling and friendly. But he soon moved to another kiosk so didn’t get to interact with him much.

Daira – Don’t know much about him, just that he looked more like a rap singer and his accent was difficult to understand. But he was cool and wished he could be Michael Jackson.

Last but not the least was Mohammad – A Brit Pakistani I guess, he was fun and easy going – was definitely making more noise and less work but lots of energy to keep the kiosk warm :)

An assortment of people I could have never imagined to have met and work with a couple of months ago. Here I am, living through this dream. I never knew I was meant to come this far (pun intended), but now that I am here – I want to make the most of it.
It’s a new dawn – for sure !!

I am not sure what will I write as I come back to this blog after a year and 3 months but I want to commemorate the date and hence the blog.

Its been a long journey since from states within India to outside the continent, and the journey deserves to be well written about.
Someday soon, may be as I celebrate my 1st white Christmas :)

Thanks to those who have always been there - for never making me feel far from them.
WE are good! and always stay connected :):):) May be we have a stronger signal coverage than all the mobile networks put together.

Cheers to us and cheers to life for being larger than imagination :)

The agony of uncertainity~

As I wait for the test to begin my stomach churns with anticipation. I am not prepared.
But here I am facing questions as they come.
I am hoping for a miracle. For a favourable result. It might just egg me on to prepare for the next !
The sooner its over the better it is.
Right now I am hanging in the middle of nowhere. It is just like the vacuum you feel when you have finished schooling and not entered any college.
Same dilemma, same listlessness, same aunties asking similar questions, it just festers me so much.
I know I dont preplan but Hey You !--You can definitely give me a peekaboo..

Few names in order of roll numbers :)

Ramya
Nandini
Raghav
Sameer
Shloka
Raghav
Ishan
Prachi
Ananya


just to put them down somewhere..

From deep within..
As always I have loads of things that I would like to pour out and as always I don’t know where to begin.
Nearing the end of college I hear people talking about how time flew by, but for me everything has been like a slow moving marquee. It seemed forever when it was bad and it seemed forever when it was good. Because the bad was too bad to bear and the good was good enough to last forever.

Hitting the bottom and bouncing back takes a lot of everything; and a few great friends. FRIENDS- friends who stand by you when you fall, friends who support you when it matters most. In such times comes out the true meaning of companionship. When loneliness hits you worst, comes an understanding hand, a caring friend and a wonderful listener.
After many light years you dare to dream, once again you notice the colour in flowers and once again you hear the music in rain.To know that there are people who have not deserted you, to know that you are still wanted...to know that you have a buddy-the greatest ever. It is Fantastic : )
Only those know the joy of paradise regained who have seen the paradise lost. Things look sunny, everybody is fine. Just perfect. But perfection never lasts long.

INSPIRING ENTERTAINMENT
The Great Indian Film Factory churns out more movies in a year than any other film fraternity in the world.With the advent of multiplexes, movie going has made an impressive come back. As the business experts put it multiplexes are also by and large dictating the genre of the movies being produced today. The urban India is demanding for slick flicks.

Lage raho Munna Bhai and Rang De Basanti both are almost tailormade for a wholesome entertainment.Rang de Basanti reflects the college going urban youth of today- initially as ignorant and then awakened.The awakened youth is surely a treasure uncovered for any nation, but are movies truly a medium suited to bring about a revolution?
Lage raho Munna Bhai may have done a noble job of reminding us of the 'Bapu's' ideas but how many of us are actually convinced by the philosphy behind them.Practicality is what make these movies entertainers and not inspirations.
Three hours of value for money is what the average middle class movie goer is looking for ,not lessons on life.Romance, action, drama, comedy and a dash of nationalism thrown in, it only makes a superhit movie not an impact on the society.

Being ME !

Not very sure of what should be my first blog, I assume an introduction would be fine So here I am !
R.E.B.E.L- this five letter word describes every aspect of me. At some points I may not totally justify its dictionary meaning but more often that not a Rebel is what I am classified as.
Of course its not a comfortable zone to be in but it surely assures that I get my options.

Being a REBEL I get a chance to speak up in situations where it would be heresy to do so by 'Law abiding' citizens :)
It gives me a space which most people vouch for. I have my sphere in which people are not invited and they know tresspassers would be executed :)
My grandfather was a freedom fighter I have it in my blood to be heard.
However my Dad's of the philosphy that the frontrunners are the ones who suffer the gravest consequences, but it doesn't deter me from being on the edge.
I do not deny hurt feelings because of this attitude; but what the heck?
If you are not living on the edge, you are wasting too much space :)
don't you agree??