The Waiting Game

It is strange - I have spent most of my life waiting. I don't know about others, is this normal?

I don't remember since which year in school - I have waited for the holidays, I have waited for the holidays to get over and waited for another year to start. 

I have waited to get into a college. I have waited for the college exams and then waited for the results. I have waited to get an internship and waited to get a job. 

People say the best time of their lives is when they were in school and college, but I think my days have never been there. I don't remember going through a day without waiting for something. My student memories are not made up of sweet memories (in most part) but of endlessly waiting for the next event!

College over, job started -> Waiting for post graduation, waiting for admission exams, waiting for results, waiting for the scholarship, waiting for the visa. All this wait - in hindsight, must have definitely made me cranky and unpleasant to hang out with. Because I was never there - never in present with the people around me physically.  I must stick out with my wait of the 'future'. I am always waiting for things to change which stops me from enjoying what is there now. 

Post graduation - Yes it was an achievement, yes I allowed myself a bit of jubilation. And yes, it was all about post graduation for those 10 months of my life - but it was as if I am on a mission to moon - precise, practical and prudent every minute of those 10 months - not making memories out of my 'foreign' education! (Add to it the added pressure of getting married!!) Now, when I look back, or look at my batch mates I feel like I missed a trick. There has to be a middle ground where you can have fun and not compromise on the mission.

We are married, in stable jobs, living in pleasant cosy places - still I am restless, I am seeking the unreachable 'better tomorrow'! Part of me thinks (even in this reflective mode) that my want/wait is justified. It is not easy to simply ignore the wrongs and keep focusing on the rights. We try that, and have spent nearly 2 years doing so. It doesn't change anything, apart from 'getting used to'. I don't want do it anymore. I want to set the wrongs right, I want to have the missing pieces complete and I want to start enjoying the normal now - Now!!!